Merry Christmas!

Bush Admits WMD Were Irrelevant

Does he just make this shit up as he goes along?! What exactly was Bush's excuse for invading Iraq then? I believe it was what uhh just yesterday! that Bush said that despite the lack of WMDs or a WMD program... Saddam was a threat that had to be dealt with and was planning on resuming his WMD programs.

I kid you not.

We're not just the World Police anymore... we're the World Thought Police.

VIDEO

Video of the Week

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VIDEO

Just how much caffeine is in energy drinks?

Here's a chart of the caffeine content in energy drinks, coffee, tea, energy pills, medications, etc. from the always useful erowid.org.
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Head-over-heels in love? You'll get over it.

Giddy and in love (with another person)? Enjoy it while it lasts, scientists say that "that lovin feeling" is due to higher levels of a particular hormone, and that the amount of hormone steadily dwindles as time goes on as long as you stay with the same person. read more

Ever heard of blinds?

I ask that if you consider how prevalent digital cameras, digital camcorders, and camera cellphones are, is it really any surprise that fucking in front of an open window will lead to one's naked ass being plastered all over the internet?
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HOW TO: Survive worst case scenarios!

Packed full of useful information such as "How To Survive A Volcanic Eruption", "How To Navigate A Minefield", "How To Escape From A Car Hanging Over The Edge Of A Cliff" and of course "How To Cross A Piranha-Infested River".
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Anatomically correct "White Trash" dolls teach kids about sex, breastfeeding and puberty.

Damn these are scary.Just look at what they had to say on the website.

All sales are final. We can not resale a doll that has been played with or soiled.
I shudder at the reasoning behind this disclaimer.

These dolls are not made in an industrial factory setting; instead each Amamanta doll is assembled by hand and therefore unique.
So depending on the worker's mood that day, the daddy might get a super huge penis ... or not? Or maybe three nuts?

Read More

Really though outside of possibly counselors or for legal purposes, I think these dolls are just another crutch for parents who are afraid to just sit down and talk to thier kids about sex.





Good Lord! It's like watching Alien!

Waxed Off

I think he was arguably the greatest Japanese American actor ever. Who can deny that his Mr. Miyagi was funny and complex and undeniably a real fleshed-out character(that performance even granted him the honor of being the first Asian-American nominated for an acting Oscar). In fact he was pretty much the only thing saving what would have otherwise been a crappy B-movie starring who knows, Chuck Norris? He broke through a lot of stereotypes and I'm betting because of him, it was a lot easier for Japanese American actors who came to Hollywood after him.


Noriyuki "Pat" Morita
1932 - 2005
R.I.P.
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A nostalgic look back at the 1989 Macy's Thanksgiving Parade- starring ALF, the Joker and Willard Scott.

Here's a link for a detailed review of this parade with screencaps and videoclips. I have to admit I enjoyed the vintage commercials at the end of the article probably the most.
Link

New Myth Busted: Eating Turkey Does Not Make You Sleepy!

There's reportedly good Thanksgiving news for turkey lovers: Contrary to popular belief, tryptophan in turkey doesn't cause drowsiness. You get sleepy after eatting so much because you body lacks the insulin needed to digest the food youve consumed. Its medical not chemical.
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World's ugliest dog passes away, but will remain in our hearts and nightmares forever

Article
Weird update of sorts but the ugliest dog died yesterday just short of his 15th birthday. Man, I just wish I had a dog that would make children burst into tears whenever I took it for a walk. Godspeed, demon-puppy.

Squirrel-Speak Decoded!

We've began to decipher the language of the damn little critters!
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Lock Bumping

I've tried to learn traditional lock picking for awhile, but after seeing this "bumping" demo I was shocked. The technique is really quick and will work on 90% of locks you'll come across.
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Scariest PSA Ad Ever!

These French AIDS Prevention Ads scare me on whole other levels besides the whole STD angle they're aiming for.

Serbian men voluntarily line up to get their testicles shocked.

Original Article

Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.

Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.

He said: "We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.

"This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.

"The method does not kill the sperm permanently and it does not affect the patient's health."

Dr Bojovic added patients were now lining up at his fertility clinic in Novi Banovci for the shock treatment, as it had none of the problems attached to using condoms, the male pill or having a vasectomy.

He added: "We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas."

Damn, I think I'll stick to the condoms for now I guess. I wonder if these guys have ever seen this video?

Find last minute babysitters!

Ok, bad joke. This is a very scary but useful site with an accurate listing of all sex offenders on a google map. It shows the address along with a picture. There's several in the area including one I actually have a class with. Very useful.

Google map of Sex Offenders Near you!

Rick Moranis has a country album. Yes, THAT Rick Moranis.

The Proof
There is no Alan Jackson only Zuul!

On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study

An MIT study was done on the protective nature of aluminum foil helmets. The conclusion is they most likely AMPLIFY any mind control signals and not protect the user as commonly assumed.
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Guess it's wet towels from now on eh?
By the way here's a Straight Dope article on their effectiveness.

Well, at least the kids are really thinking outside the box!

Kids who have taken virginity pledges are more likely to engage in oral and anal sex

A new eight-year study revealed that American teenagers who take virginity pledges wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids. But that's not all. Taking the pledge also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and four times more likely to allow anal. Apparently the only thing immoral about sex is sticking a penis into a vagina. Everything else is just fine.
Which leads me to an important question: why didn't I fill out these pledges when I was in high school?

If I had known I could have been getting some porn-star style sex the same year I took Algebra simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd would have been Sooo down with Jesus (as long as they were going down on me that is). Bring on the celibacy, BJ's & buttsex!

From the Article

MacIntyre, who thrills to find dates through the College Coalition, wears a silver "purity ring," which her father slipped onto her finger during a mountain ceremony. When she gets married, she says, her father will give the ring to her husband. And when she finally has sex, she says, "it's gonna' freaking rock."

Umm, no it's not! It's probably gonna HURT. Like hell. Dumbfuck! Either that or your sexually repressed boyfriend shoots his load in a minute-five tops! It doesn't get good until later (maybe not much later, but still later) for probably 99% of women.

Oh yeah, and a virginity promise mountain ceremony? Way to be creepily overpossesive Dad! Bet he wants to be a silent witness to the cherry poppin' too!

There sure are a lot worse things than teenagers having sex. Namely, teenagers not having sex. Here is something you'll never hear: That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, nonstop, all that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened. I used to not understand the whole suicide bomber thing but now it's making more sense. I mean I thought before who would really want 72 virgins but now that we know they'd be schooled in giving BJ's and anal I have to admit the idea has a little more appeal (OK, not really).

In all seriousness though, my biggest concern about abstinence is the assumption that the first person you have sex with is automatically going to be someone you can be sexually compatible with for life. I think "try before you buy" is really, really important, and it's reasonably safe if you take the precautions.

The other problem is that abstinence puts a big pressure on kids to get married early. That might have seemed okay in generations past, but these days I think more of us believe it's a good idea to spend a few adult years in relative independence before taking the plunge. By choosing your mate after you've had a chance to grow up, I think you run less risk of "growing out of" that particular person.

I think if my generation has learned anything, it's that our parents rushed into marriage, with the result that I have many single-parented friends who were born in wedlock, but whose parents couldn't stand each other by middle age.

The whole idea of a perfect soulmate is simplistic and naive. It's even downright dangerous. It has led many poor hapless souls into unhappy marriages. I have had enough girlfriends to know nobody is a perfect match. ALL relationships take work. It's just some people match better than others, but no match is perfect. There is no such thing as a "soulmate".

As far as the teenagers are concerned. Sexual tension is a bitch, so I figure that as long as they're using condoms and practicing just a little responsibility, they can fuck each others brains out.

"Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. And then I'll blow you, I promise."
- Bill Maher

Looks like we both feel the same way about her reproducing.

Click the pic to take a closer look

Greatest urinal ever!

"Jesus Juice" gives new meaning to " The Power of Christ Compels You"

Story

Ahh, tasteless consumerism at work. Personally though I think it should have been a beer, that way it could come in a can just like Michael.

Paris Hilton Doesn't Change Expressions

The Proof
It's almost hypnotic or nausea inducing...

Facebook has become the new police

Facebook.com, the popular university and high school social network, has become a way for University and high school officials to monitor activity of it's students, thus able to punish students for things such as underage drinking, drug usage, etc. Employers, are also using facebook as a "background check" on applicants.

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Cracker Barrel: Redneck xenophobia never tasted so good

If you are driving across the east, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, your options for where to stop for a meal that's not far from a highway exit is limited...Waffle House, McDonalds, Dennys, Shoneys, and of course Cracker Barrel.


Aww.. Cracker Barrel, with a name like that it just sounds inviting doesn't it?

Cracker Barrel, if you didn't know, is one of those places that caters to the person craving their fix for "down home cooking" that is if your idea of "down home cooking" tastes like a lame dinner from the basement of some unfamiliar church. It’s also part of the redneck "fancy" restaurant triad: Cracker Barrel, Red Lobster, and The Olive Garden. Back home this place was seen by many as date worthy (and not in after affair way either). Hell I got dragged there for thanksgiving once or twice!

And yet people flock to this place like lemmings off a cliff. There has never been a time when I didn't have to wait forty-five minutes in line in that goddamned gift shop looking at peanut butter brittle and motion activated novelty singing flowers ever increasingly driving me to the sheer utter depths of madness.


If the gift shop wasn't enough there's also the fact that you are being seated in a dimly lit dining room with nonmaneuverable seating arrangements and walls adorned with rusting farm tools. You can try to pass the time playing that stupid triangular puzzle until you realize some toddler has already eaten about four of the golf tees.



Even that logo is oddly disturbing. Up until recently I thought the guy was standing with one leg behind the barrel until I realized he had two feet on what looks like one leg! I guess inbred deformities are the chain's way of being authentically Southern? Even so that pose he's striking eerily echoes the racist southerner circa 1950s Montgomery, Alabama.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining after all it is comforting knowing that I can buy a rocking chair at almost any time of any day.

All in all though if your really going to stop at a grease pit I'd go to Waffle House. At least you'll get some decent food and usually damn good service.

No woman is safe from Bill Clinton in the White House.

awwww....... I want him back now.

Nixon was a Pinko Commie by Today's Standards?

*He started the EPA
*He ended the Draft
*He lowered the voting age to 18
*He started the Food Stamps program
*He opened up China


All pretty progressive policies. So just how bad has the political climate gotten that our current leaders make him seem like a liberal?


To be fair though he did say:

We're going to [put] more of these little Negro bastards on the welfare rolls at $2,400 a family -- let people like Pat Moynihan ... believe in all that crap. But I don’t believe in it. Work, work -- throw 'em off the rolls. That's the key. ... I have the greatest affection for them [blacks], but I know they're not going to make it for 500 years. They aren't. You know it, too. The Mexicans are a different cup of tea. They have a heritage. At the present time they steal, they're dishonest, but they do have some concept of family life. They don't live like a bunch of dogs, which the Negroes do live like."
-Nixon May 13, 1971

More Filler

The good stories from the weekend are coming but I want to do them justice and the workload is bad tonight so it's more links today.


Funny Halloween Video
Unintentionally Hilarious Fundamentalist Christian Comic Strip
The sexual meanings of classic Halloween costumes.
Doofus in Thundercat costume arrested
Programmer or Serial Killer Quiz
Creepy Video of Ghosts
Virtual Pumpkin Carving
Haunted Places in Illinois
Happy Halloween!

Something to hold you over

Been busy. Going to update this soon with stories from the weekend. But I did say I'd update with this some scary stuff so here you go.


Oh and then there's this.
Of all the scents I've mentally associated with Paris Hilton, shit and urinal disinfectant is an improvement.

Mineral spirits

Source
In honor of Halloween fast approaching I'm going to start posting some of the more macabre stuff I've found over the years.

Gilliam Sykes O'Dell had a terrible time with his house which was one time reported to be the most haunted house in American history. His parents died a horrible death in their home when a local teenaged boy murdered them. It turned out he'd once had a crush on O'Dell's mother, a former high school teacher. After killing Gilliam's parents, the teenager killed himself. This happened just after Gilliam graduated from Purdue University in northern Indiana. Shocked and distressed, the young man became a shut-in at his home. "It was like everything changed. The air in the house was different then I started to hear the voices..." A frightened Gilliam told a local newspaper reporter years later.

Gilliam tried to ignore the problem and as a chemistry student set up a laboratory in his basement. His parents death left him not only with pain but a fortune as well. Gilliam never needed to work a day in his life. This left him lots of time to get acquainted with the ghosts who kept him company. Occasionally, he heard his mothers gentle humming from her rocking chair. At other times, he felt the comforting hand of his father on his shoulder. Then there were times that Gilliam felt chilled to the bone. He feared for his life most of the time. Often he would wake up in the middle of the night and find a kitchen knife balancing above his head on the headboard. He also found himself unable to breathe as though someone were choking him. Surely, this was the work of the teenager.

Gilliam had had enough. He contacted a scientist back at his university who he knew was interested in the paranormal. The man instructed him to study the ghosts and suggested that he come up with a concoction to keep the ghosts at bay. Believing that there was an element that could push lost souls towards the other side, he insisted that Gilliam look towards chemistry to find the answer. After burning his eyelashes off and working for weeks in solitude, Gilliam came up from his basement with a special concoction he dubbed: Ghost Tonic. He felt he'd found his miracle potion and recalls when he splashed it on the walls, the paint would fade and run, often in the shape of the phantoms he'd seen. Maybe just because of his delirium, or maybe from the fumes, it seemed to make sense to him. He insisted to those around him that the smell of the tonic when it made contact with a surface was the smell of "Dead Ghost."

Gilliam ended up selling his concoction to another wealthy classmate who made his fortune selling paint and giving away a bottle of the "Ghost Tonic" or Paint Thinner as it came to be called, with every purchase.

Know your Bush Appointees

On Thursday, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination citing the efforts of "members of the Senate" to seek documents generated while she served as Bush's White House counsel as her reason. She's not the first appointee by Bush to be called into question and certainly won't be the last. Here's my favorite.


Meet Dr. W. David Hager. He is the #2 man at the FDA, a gynecologist, and oversees women's rights, health issues, and also the guy that wants to make sure we don't have RU-486 otherwise known as the "morning-after pill". This is a guy who wrote a book with his wife that said if women have premenstrual problems what they should do is read scripture. I'm not kidding. Turns out his wife left him after 30 years claiming that he anally raped her in her sleep (I'm assuming she woke up somewhere during the said event). The guy didn’t even deny it and said the reason he was doing it in her "cocoa-canal" was that he "missed". So you have the case of a gynecologist that claims he cannot find his own wife's vagina. I rest my case about George Bush's appointments.

Study finds that the more educated and/or heavy a woman is, the harder it is to bring her to orgasm

Original Article

But why?

It probably boils down to the simple fact that different people have different sexual needs. One of the biggest mistake people make is believing everybody can be pleased the same way in bed. Probably a lot of guys have some lame teenage experience where it's all they can do to get it in the frickin' hole, and surprise! the girl digs that (or pretends to), so they figure they're now the greatest lover ever - and spend the rest of their lives jackhammering away at whatever warm, moist, concave opening that presents itself and possibly being just one of many possible causes for the problem.

Beyond that, I would imagine educated women in particular often need something a little more to really get off. As nice as the physicality can be, the mental side of sex seems just as important. You have to set the right mood, find the right psychological buttons to press, get her as worked up mentally as you are physically, etc. You just have to know what levers to hit with the girl you're with and take the time to figure it out..

All it takes to change those sessions of chafing frustration and anxiety into a satisfying experience is a "That feels good but you need to move that over a bit" or a "Let's do this for awhile, I'm not quite ready for that."

Other useful commands include "Slow down" "Speed up" "Not so hard, I'm sensitive today" and "Harder/More."

I just don't see how that has anything to do with having a PhD or having dropped out of middle school unless that just corellates with sexual experience.

I can see one biological reason why overweight women may have a loss of sex drive. Men and women both have testosterone in their bodies. Men, of course, have much higher levels. Testosterone affects sex drive. In overweight women, the heavier they are, the more estrogen their body produces. Weight also causes stress on the adrenal and metabolic system which in turn can cause problems with testosterone and progesterone levels. So basically, the hormone levels get too high and/or too low so it affects sex drive (among other things). So if you are overweight and your sex drive sucks. Maybe this plays a factor in it.

Same would be the same for men. Men also have estrogen in their bodies (at much lower levels than women). If you are a man and overweight, elevated estrogen levels can kill your sex drive as well.

Of course getting away from the biological issue maybe what the study really found was that more intelligent/educated women will be candid about sexual issues than less educated ones... most obvious reason for the findings, no?

I also think that a lot of well educated women, and men for that matter, have bought in to the idea of study hard, work hard, eyes on the prize, be good, and you'll succeed. Part of buying in to that is: sex is dangerous and it could hurt your future. You could get pregnant or a disease and that might hurt your career. Not only could a disease hurt your career, there's the possibility of contracting HIV and dying. What good is a wild night in the sack if you end up dying as a result? Same goes with getting pregnant. Would one night of careless animal passion be worth 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of parenting or a traumatic abortion?

Between that baggage and a 50 hour work week at a white collar job it's hard to take it easy and get your groove on.

I know many intelligent/educated women who worry about anything and everything, so I don't really believe that it is directly linked to low sex drive, but I do believe it is linked to being distracted and if you're distracted it will certainly take a lot longer to achieve the end result..

These women who can't get orgasms might decide to spend their time doing something else, which might include more studying (since a lot of women come of sexual age during school years), so the less-orgasmic women spend their time learning more and becoming more intelligent. The more-orgasmic women spend their time partying and getting laid. So women with low sex drives do better in school since they don't have any distractions?

The study also says that women who are on oral contraceptives tend to have lower sex drives. I'm guessing the women with higher educations are also more likely to use oral contraceptives. Heck you could also probably blame it on these women being probably more likely to take anti-depressants which would also curb their sexual appetite.

Of course maybe this study is total shit!

The survey question that seems to cover the sexual desire issue is this one:

"My sexual desire is often much lower than I would like it to be."

And given that educated women had a higher-than-average rate of answering "yes", the conclusion drawn was:

Women who are educated, married or heavy are more likely to have low sex drives.

And so I take issue with the conclusion. The survey did not actual quantify anyone's sex drive. It merely asked for women's assessment of their sex drives. And so there are actually two ways to take the results concerning educated women -- either they actually have lower sex drives than the average woman, or they desire a higher sex drive than the average woman.

All we can say for sure is that educated women are less satisfied with their sex drives, because that's all the survey asked.

It's like doing a survey and asking women if they are happy with how they look, and if educated women are less happy, concluding that educated women are uglier than uneducated women. Whereas actual appearances weren't tested -- just personal opinions.

Now, perhaps the researchers DO view the results this way. One researcher says: "It may well be that highly educated women are different from less-educated women in many respects. Maybe they have higher standards . . . higher expectations
and legitimately lower evaluations." And so perhaps it's just the article that botches the conclusion.

Of course, maybe I've put too much energy into this examination of these women's anorgasmic inclinations (it's turned into a damn essay!). I mean I still wonder from time to time if most women (hell people) know where the G-spot is afterall.

Oh yeah! I welcome comments of any kind since I can obviosly only see this from one side of the debate.

"Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency."
-Margo St. James

"When a woman has scholarly inclinations, there is usually something wrongwith her sexually." –Nietzsche

Elderly man gets busted at the toll booth in Florida. The dead body in the windshield aroused suspicion.

Original Article

Meet Ralph Parker, the 93-year-old who struck a pedestrian, severing the victim's leg, then proceeded to drive three miles with the guy's body on the windshield before being stopped at a tollbooth.

"Parker told officers he thought a body fell from the sky. Police say he will probably not face criminal charges, because he was unaware he was in an accident."

What the Fuck?

Yet another reason to have mandatory testing every 5 years or so. Make that across the board so you aren't accused of age discrimination. I'd be absolutely furious if the victim was somebody in my family. As is, I'm just pissed that this guy is still on the road.

Note to self: Next time in accident say "I was in an accident?" and not face criminal charges.

Maybe this could work for other problems too!

Honest honey, I don't know where this hooker came from. She just fell out of the sky!

Honest officer, I don't know where this bag of pot came from. It just fell out of the sky!

Just practicing.

Brian Peppers

This is Brian peppers. Scary enough until you also realize it's a mugshot photo and he's also a registered sex offender in Ohio convicted of two counts of Gross Sexual Imposition.
Don't believe me?
Here's a Snopes article on him.

Not even a picture of Melissa Theuriau smoking it up at a Hookah bar is going to erase this from my mind

(but it helps).

♫ I'm a pepper, you're a pepper, she's a pepper, he's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?♫