Sunday, October 30, 2005

Something to hold you over

Been busy. Going to update this soon with stories from the weekend. But I did say I'd update with this some scary stuff so here you go.


Oh and then there's this.
Of all the scents I've mentally associated with Paris Hilton, shit and urinal disinfectant is an improvement.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Mineral spirits

Source
In honor of Halloween fast approaching I'm going to start posting some of the more macabre stuff I've found over the years.

Gilliam Sykes O'Dell had a terrible time with his house which was one time reported to be the most haunted house in American history. His parents died a horrible death in their home when a local teenaged boy murdered them. It turned out he'd once had a crush on O'Dell's mother, a former high school teacher. After killing Gilliam's parents, the teenager killed himself. This happened just after Gilliam graduated from Purdue University in northern Indiana. Shocked and distressed, the young man became a shut-in at his home. "It was like everything changed. The air in the house was different then I started to hear the voices..." A frightened Gilliam told a local newspaper reporter years later.

Gilliam tried to ignore the problem and as a chemistry student set up a laboratory in his basement. His parents death left him not only with pain but a fortune as well. Gilliam never needed to work a day in his life. This left him lots of time to get acquainted with the ghosts who kept him company. Occasionally, he heard his mothers gentle humming from her rocking chair. At other times, he felt the comforting hand of his father on his shoulder. Then there were times that Gilliam felt chilled to the bone. He feared for his life most of the time. Often he would wake up in the middle of the night and find a kitchen knife balancing above his head on the headboard. He also found himself unable to breathe as though someone were choking him. Surely, this was the work of the teenager.

Gilliam had had enough. He contacted a scientist back at his university who he knew was interested in the paranormal. The man instructed him to study the ghosts and suggested that he come up with a concoction to keep the ghosts at bay. Believing that there was an element that could push lost souls towards the other side, he insisted that Gilliam look towards chemistry to find the answer. After burning his eyelashes off and working for weeks in solitude, Gilliam came up from his basement with a special concoction he dubbed: Ghost Tonic. He felt he'd found his miracle potion and recalls when he splashed it on the walls, the paint would fade and run, often in the shape of the phantoms he'd seen. Maybe just because of his delirium, or maybe from the fumes, it seemed to make sense to him. He insisted to those around him that the smell of the tonic when it made contact with a surface was the smell of "Dead Ghost."

Gilliam ended up selling his concoction to another wealthy classmate who made his fortune selling paint and giving away a bottle of the "Ghost Tonic" or Paint Thinner as it came to be called, with every purchase.

Know your Bush Appointees

On Thursday, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination citing the efforts of "members of the Senate" to seek documents generated while she served as Bush's White House counsel as her reason. She's not the first appointee by Bush to be called into question and certainly won't be the last. Here's my favorite.


Meet Dr. W. David Hager. He is the #2 man at the FDA, a gynecologist, and oversees women's rights, health issues, and also the guy that wants to make sure we don't have RU-486 otherwise known as the "morning-after pill". This is a guy who wrote a book with his wife that said if women have premenstrual problems what they should do is read scripture. I'm not kidding. Turns out his wife left him after 30 years claiming that he anally raped her in her sleep (I'm assuming she woke up somewhere during the said event). The guy didn’t even deny it and said the reason he was doing it in her "cocoa-canal" was that he "missed". So you have the case of a gynecologist that claims he cannot find his own wife's vagina. I rest my case about George Bush's appointments.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Study finds that the more educated and/or heavy a woman is, the harder it is to bring her to orgasm


Original Article

But why?

It probably boils down to the simple fact that different people have different sexual needs. One of the biggest mistake people make is believing everybody can be pleased the same way in bed. Probably a lot of guys have some lame teenage experience where it's all they can do to get it in the frickin' hole, and surprise! the girl digs that (or pretends to), so they figure they're now the greatest lover ever - and spend the rest of their lives jackhammering away at whatever warm, moist, concave opening that presents itself and possibly being just one of many possible causes for the problem.

Beyond that, I would imagine educated women in particular often need something a little more to really get off. As nice as the physicality can be, the mental side of sex seems just as important. You have to set the right mood, find the right psychological buttons to press, get her as worked up mentally as you are physically, etc. You just have to know what levers to hit with the girl you're with and take the time to figure it out..

All it takes to change those sessions of chafing frustration and anxiety into a satisfying experience is a "That feels good but you need to move that over a bit" or a "Let's do this for awhile, I'm not quite ready for that."

Other useful commands include "Slow down" "Speed up" "Not so hard, I'm sensitive today" and "Harder/More."

I just don't see how that has anything to do with having a PhD or having dropped out of middle school unless that just corellates with sexual experience.

I can see one biological reason why overweight women may have a loss of sex drive. Men and women both have testosterone in their bodies. Men, of course, have much higher levels. Testosterone affects sex drive. In overweight women, the heavier they are, the more estrogen their body produces. Weight also causes stress on the adrenal and metabolic system which in turn can cause problems with testosterone and progesterone levels. So basically, the hormone levels get too high and/or too low so it affects sex drive (among other things). So if you are overweight and your sex drive sucks. Maybe this plays a factor in it.

Same would be the same for men. Men also have estrogen in their bodies (at much lower levels than women). If you are a man and overweight, elevated estrogen levels can kill your sex drive as well.

Of course getting away from the biological issue maybe what the study really found was that more intelligent/educated women will be candid about sexual issues than less educated ones... most obvious reason for the findings, no?

I also think that a lot of well educated women, and men for that matter, have bought in to the idea of study hard, work hard, eyes on the prize, be good, and you'll succeed. Part of buying in to that is: sex is dangerous and it could hurt your future. You could get pregnant or a disease and that might hurt your career. Not only could a disease hurt your career, there's the possibility of contracting HIV and dying. What good is a wild night in the sack if you end up dying as a result? Same goes with getting pregnant. Would one night of careless animal passion be worth 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of parenting or a traumatic abortion?

Between that baggage and a 50 hour work week at a white collar job it's hard to take it easy and get your groove on.

I know many intelligent/educated women who worry about anything and everything, so I don't really believe that it is directly linked to low sex drive, but I do believe it is linked to being distracted and if you're distracted it will certainly take a lot longer to achieve the end result..

These women who can't get orgasms might decide to spend their time doing something else, which might include more studying (since a lot of women come of sexual age during school years), so the less-orgasmic women spend their time learning more and becoming more intelligent. The more-orgasmic women spend their time partying and getting laid. So women with low sex drives do better in school since they don't have any distractions?

The study also says that women who are on oral contraceptives tend to have lower sex drives. I'm guessing the women with higher educations are also more likely to use oral contraceptives. Heck you could also probably blame it on these women being probably more likely to take anti-depressants which would also curb their sexual appetite.

Of course maybe this study is total shit!

The survey question that seems to cover the sexual desire issue is this one:

"My sexual desire is often much lower than I would like it to be."

And given that educated women had a higher-than-average rate of answering "yes", the conclusion drawn was:

Women who are educated, married or heavy are more likely to have low sex drives.

And so I take issue with the conclusion. The survey did not actual quantify anyone's sex drive. It merely asked for women's assessment of their sex drives. And so there are actually two ways to take the results concerning educated women -- either they actually have lower sex drives than the average woman, or they desire a higher sex drive than the average woman.

All we can say for sure is that educated women are less satisfied with their sex drives, because that's all the survey asked.

It's like doing a survey and asking women if they are happy with how they look, and if educated women are less happy, concluding that educated women are uglier than uneducated women. Whereas actual appearances weren't tested -- just personal opinions.

Now, perhaps the researchers DO view the results this way. One researcher says: "It may well be that highly educated women are different from less-educated women in many respects. Maybe they have higher standards . . . higher expectations
and legitimately lower evaluations." And so perhaps it's just the article that botches the conclusion.

Of course, maybe I've put too much energy into this examination of these women's anorgasmic inclinations (it's turned into a damn essay!). I mean I still wonder from time to time if most women (hell people) know where the G-spot is afterall.

Oh yeah! I welcome comments of any kind since I can obviosly only see this from one side of the debate.

"Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency."
-Margo St. James

"When a woman has scholarly inclinations, there is usually something wrongwith her sexually." –Nietzsche

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Elderly man gets busted at the toll booth in Florida. The dead body in the windshield aroused suspicion.


Original Article

Meet Ralph Parker, the 93-year-old who struck a pedestrian, severing the victim's leg, then proceeded to drive three miles with the guy's body on the windshield before being stopped at a tollbooth.

"Parker told officers he thought a body fell from the sky. Police say he will probably not face criminal charges, because he was unaware he was in an accident."

What the Fuck?

Yet another reason to have mandatory testing every 5 years or so. Make that across the board so you aren't accused of age discrimination. I'd be absolutely furious if the victim was somebody in my family. As is, I'm just pissed that this guy is still on the road.

Note to self: Next time in accident say "I was in an accident?" and not face criminal charges.

Maybe this could work for other problems too!

Honest honey, I don't know where this hooker came from. She just fell out of the sky!

Honest officer, I don't know where this bag of pot came from. It just fell out of the sky!

Just practicing.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Brian Peppers


This is Brian peppers. Scary enough until you also realize it's a mugshot photo and he's also a registered sex offender in Ohio convicted of two counts of Gross Sexual Imposition.
Don't believe me?
Here's a Snopes article on him.

Not even a picture of Melissa Theuriau smoking it up at a Hookah bar is going to erase this from my mind

(but it helps).

♫ I'm a pepper, you're a pepper, she's a pepper, he's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?♫

Mon dieu!

This is French news anchor Melissa Theuriau.

I know just look at her and that amazing face.

J'ai une incendie en mes pantalons!
Can you imagine if you actually met her and for some reason had to have a interview with her?
I'd just freeze up and go gaga looking at her, and wouldn't hear a word she was saying. Like this guy apparantly (took me awhile to see him).

I don't watch much TV anymore but if she read my news I'd watch everynight and you'd be sure I'd be up on the latest conflict in the Balkans.
Ok, maybe I'd never know what was going on but I'd be watching.
She probably just gives great head..Lines, I said headlines.

J'adore Melissa Theuriau.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Must pass... through... urethra!


Shatner got a kidney stone. Yeah not really news but damn I had to make a Shatner joke and the "KHAN!" picture popped into my head immedietly upon hearing the news.Hell by coincidence the news is from KXAN.
It's a coooooooooooncretion!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I'm Matt and this is my blog

Awesome. I will be writing about all my debauchery as well as my personal commentary on world events in this blog.So where should I begin.

A little about me:
I am an attention whore.
I'm not afraid to mooch off of everyone and anyone.
I have tiny wrists and yet huge hands.
I like to impress people with my insight/knowledge and when in doubt I bullshit.

more to follow...