Observations From Matt

This Blog is looking sorry

2008-03-21T12:38:00.001-07:00

I just haven't had much to say I guess or would just put it on myspace or something. So I'll leave you with this.

2007-10-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I don't smoke pot (just not my drug) but damn if the propaganda against it isn't irritating. Take the commercial above for example where this chick’s dog starts talking to her and telling her that he doesn’t like it when she gets high.

“Hey Lindsey, I wish you didn’t smoke weed.”

“Really? Well I wish you didn’t freak me the fuck out by talking to me with no warning. You know how to talk? How about a heads up first, fucker? How long have you been able to talk? You could talk all this time, and the first words out of your mouth are criticism? How about ‘hey, I’m your dog, and I can talk!’ Wouldn’t that be a better way to start? Right away with the complaints?”

What’s the message here? Don’t smoke weed or your dog will be disappointed in you?
The same dog that I have to yell at every day to keep him from eating shit out of the cat’s litter box? Is that really a deterrent?
I mean, it’s your fucking dog. Even little kids get to yell at the dog. The dog is the bottom of the food chain when it comes to pull around the house. Who give a fuck what he thinks.

Meanwhile, the craziest thing about the video is that after the dog is done talking, the chick just stands there and thinks about what the dog said.
She doesn’t scream, or call her brother over so he can see, or even ask the dog any questions. She just drops her head in shame over her weed smoking.
Whatever that chick is smoking, it ain’t weed, and keep it the fuck away from me.

Poor Rusty and the Cutest neurological disorder ever.

2006-11-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

When I saw this in my psych class a few years back, the first thing that came to mind was "Somebody needs to edit in a gunshot."

You've see the original, now see the music video

Evil Dead: The Ultimate Experience In Grueling Aspect Ratios

2006-10-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a film nut and a horror buff so it's really no surprise that I take the presentaion of even the lowest budgeted movies seriously. That's why I'm royally confused on what the proper presentation of Sam Raimi's the Evil Dead is. Just look at all the diffrences in transfers that have hit the home video market.

Elite DVD (same as LD, and new Japan LD-1995 transfer)

Anchor Bay disc(1999 transfer). It's almost the same transfer as the Elite disc.

Old Japan LD (1985)

Book of the Dead Edition (2002)

Fainting Goats

2006-10-08T15:54:00.001-07:00

An oldie(in terms of internet exposure) but still a goodie.

I've heard people bring up this breed when they try to justify creationism saying these goats prove Darwin is wrong. How could fainting goats survive natural selection?

The answer is easy: we selectivly bred this abnormality just like most livestock.

As strange as this may sound, these little goats have actually served an historical purpose. Shepherds often would keep the goats in with their flocks as insurance in case of predator attacks. The theory went something like this- as wolves would come down from the hills to attack a flock of sheep, the goats would become startled and, as per the name of their breed, they would faint. The sheep would make a clean getaway, as the wolves would focus on the stunned goats rather than pursue the fleeing sheep. Not that wonderful if you were one of the goats, sure, but dandy if you happened to be a sheep.

The breed's recorded history (or at least as much of it as I can find) reaches back to the 1880's, when a migrant worker named John Tinsley brought four of them to Tennessee. Not much is known about Tinsley, though he is reported to have come from Nova Scotia. The breed soon became popular throughout the region, thanks to three major factors: 1) they were less prone to climbing (and therefore escape), 2) they had a higher degree of muscularity than their non-fainting relatives (and thus would make a better dinner), and 3) high reproductive rates (typically two or more to a litter). "

Wikipidia Article

Researchers investigating reports of gay men who willingly contract AIDS just for kicks

2006-10-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/health/060923/x092306.html
Hey, why not? I'm trying to get Herpes.
I've seen if you have it, you get to go hiking, bike ride, meet gorgeous women, go rafting....

and there's already the "pro ana" and "voluntary amputation" communities carrying their respective flags high in the air, so why not this?

It wouldn't surprise me if such people exist and NOT just in the Gay community.

So Why?

I read some time back that some gangs liked to have unprotected sex with multiple partners to prove how fearless they are. Kind of a sex version of Russian Roulette.

After all, we already know about those folks who know they're infected who deliberately have unprotected sex without telling their partners they have the virus. Some do it out of some form of psychotic revenge, some do it because they insist on that natural feel and don't care if they infect someone.

And let's not forget that they get to be a prophet that gets visited by angels

Shrinks are probably working overtime diagnosing and classifying all sorts of new mental illnesses because there's a whole lot of strange people out there.

But hey let's also remember there's all sorts of myths surrounding HIV. Like condoms are perfect, or oral sex has no risk at all, or women can't give it to men, or straight people aren't the fastest growing group of new infections, or that you're 100% guaranteed to get it in one go if you get fucked by someone infected.

Of course besides stuff that I've gotten from articles linked to in this entry most of my evidence is anecdotal and I must remember that the plural of anecdote is not data so take this all with a grain of salt guys.

Rolling Stone Article
BBC Article

It be Talk Like a Pirate Day says I! Yarr Harr!

2006-09-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

Harrs hay trainin film forr thee unninitiated.

Arrrr! ABC JUST had thar season premiere of Wife Swap tonight that focued on a pirate family talk about coincidence. The pirate wench wifey was so fugly and messy that it bend me sword and I needed bleach! Arrrr! Thar goes me only eye. Where me's bird? Polly be my seeing eye parrot.

Also anyone wanting info on this strange holiday(or just wondering what I'm talking about) can visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk_like_a_pirate_day

Now off to thee Bars! Aye Lass ... do ye mind if I fire me cannon through yer porthole ?

Michael Bay is retroactivly killing my childhood

2006-09-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

I loved Transformers as a kid. So it pains me to see the live action movie turning to shit. First thing the script I read this summer at my internship was awful and focused way too much on the military. And then there's THIS

I just look forward to see how the HELL they are going to make the toy...

Just imagine the "level" for skills to transform it!

What's that going to be like? Level: ...5 years in mechanical engineering?

Make sure you take 2 weeks off to do it, and please, do NOT miss that first detail otherwise it WILL comes to life, cry and then commit suicide!

Check out this clip at 2:40. THAT's now the funniest clip

2006-09-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

Needless to say, Conan freaks.

The Best Walker Texas Ranger Clip

2006-09-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

The Chuck Norris facts are really tired but this still makes me laugh.

But why would a Texas Ranger tell a child that he has AIDS? Seems more like a job for, I don't know, a doctor.

Travolta still enjoys a nice "Cockpit"

2006-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

2006-08-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

Bridgestone Dog

Why can't we have ads like this in the U.S.?

2006-08-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

F You Baltimore

My new Favorite ad of all time. I'm guessing this originated as a lark at the editing facility or was a joke at an internal company presentation.

The British have no taste in music

2006-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Recently England voted on the best songs of all time. Here's the top ten.
1 Live Forever – Oasis
2 Wonderwall – Oasis
3 Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
4 A Day In The Life – The Beatles
5 One – U2
6 Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
7 Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
8 Stairway To Heaven – Led Zeppelin
9 Bitter Sweet Symphony – The Verve
10 Paranoid Android – Radiohead

The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, Cream, Sabbath - no, these talented, innovative bands (and so many, many more) can't hold a candle to the whiny hacks of Oasis and their treacly, derivative garbage.

No band on earth can take a lousy song and rewrite it 200 times over like Oasis can!

Way to go, Britain. Real sense of taste you got there.

British Musical Taste: A Brief Timeline

1960's - Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who
1970's - Sex Pistols, The Clash, Led Zeppelin
1980's - The Smiths, Adam and the Ants, Duran Duran
1990's - Oasis, Blur
2000's - Crazy Frog, assorted boy bands, "Pop Idol", and fucking Coldplay

By the 2010's, I expect the biggest chart toppers will be looped recordings of old Speak & Spells.

The cow goes moo! MOO MOO MOO. The cow goes moo! MOO MOO MOO. Dammit, now I can't get that bloody MOO MOO MOO out of my head!

Amazing video of one person acting as the shadow of the other person

2006-08-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Gotta love local car commercials

2006-04-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a Late nite live ad from the 1970s with a car dealer (and his dog) that totally rips the owner a new one.

Just watch it and imagine the confrontation he had with the boss the next morning

Woman wishes that she had done something to save her sister from a burning car, rather than just videotaping the fire

2006-04-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Source
Another weird story from Florida today

MIAMI BEACH, FL -- In an odd twist of fate, a sister caught her sister's last minutes alive - without even knowing.
Maria Ramoutar and her sister were in separate cars on their way back from Miami Beach when Maria saw a fiery car crash. She decided to videotape it with her cell phone.Four people inside that burning car died, including Maria's sister. Maria didn't find out it was her sister till the next day. Now she says she wishes she would have done something to save her.

Because it was perfectly acceptable to not help strangers burning to death in a car crash?

Now, just imagine if she had some sort of device that she could use to notify the fire department.A device that in the the future people will be able to speak with other people and services over a thing they hold in their hand with digits or something to that effect. I'm a dreamer I guess!

Did I mention I gotta new Horseless carriage?

Well, at least they'll have something interesting to play at the funeral since those eulogies are always so boring.

Latest Public Sex Bust from.... you guessed it: Florida!

2006-04-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

Source: The Smoking Gun

Because all weird stories have to come from either Florida or Germany (or sometimes sadly Virginia) I bring to you today's story of the happy couple of Amber Mumma and Marcelo Gonzalez.

The Floridians were arrested on the 11th after a Tampa cop spotted them having sex against a car. According to an arrest affidavit, Mumma, 19, and Gonzalez, 23, were trysting in the parking lot of Peabody's Billiards while several onlookers watched. The pair, both of whom work at a Tampa restaurant, are each facing a misdemeanor count of lewd and lascivious behavior. Additionally, Gonzalez was hit with a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs rap while Mumma was charged with giving officers a phony name. Mumma and Gonzalez are pictured below in mug shots snapped by the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. According to a police report, Officer Stephen Hiles was patrolling the parking lot when he spotted Mumma with her pants at her knees. Gonzalez was standing behind her with his penis exposed and, according to the cop, was allegedly having sex you know where.

You know the girl's not that bad really. I bet she looks a lot better when she has makeup and hasn't been crying all the way to the police station( and before she got railed in the butt). It's kinda sad because you can tell she was crying. Usually these girls have this methed out, straight from the trailer park, look to them but besides what could be herpes (and it's hard to tell since mug shots don't allow make up anyways and it could just be a pimple) she's really alright looking. Besides even if it is herpes there are still even some Hollywood starlets that can't escape that. A little photoshop magic and .......

There much better!

The guy on the other hand looks like the freaky son from Nip/Tuck. I mean....Damn! did he shave his eyebrows on purpose to look like that?

So I finally opened the bottle

2006-03-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I figured I should open the bottle of Absinthe I got for myself back around christmas. I wasn't scared of it or anything but I wanted to save it for a special occasion. I mean this stuff ended up costing me over a $100 so I didn't want to waste it on just any old weekend.
I'd read all the crazy stories of people after they drink this stuff too so I waited until i had a slow week of class.
First thing's first I had to prepare a glass and leave it to the French and their love of rituals to invent a drink that takes 10 minutes to prepare. Don't know how to prepare it? Well here's a breakdown of the procedure to Green Fairy land.

How to Prepare Absinthe

To do it right, you will need a few things in addition to the bottle itself: some ice cold water (warm water makes it taste like donkey piss), sugar cubes, an absinthe glass(a wine glass will work too but makes it harder to measure ratios), and an absinthe spoon.

1. Fill your glass with absinthe up to the marked fill line.
2. Lay the spoon flat across the mouth of the glass.
3. Position a sugar cube over the slots in the spoon(you can use a fork too but the spoon's classier).
4. Slowly trickle water over the sugar cube(I'm talking drop by drop) and into the glass.I found that using a slightly frozen water bottle makes it really easy for slow drips if your not super fancy and don't have an absinthe dripper full of shaved ice on hand. With the introduction of water, the mixture will turn milky (or louche as they say) as the various oils and aromatics precipitate out of the solution. (See? Chemistry was useful for something)
5. After your sugar cube has finished doing its impression of an eroding urinal cake, continue adding water until you reach your preferred strength. The most popular ratio of absinthe to water is somewhere around 1:4. I personally think you get the perfect pour just when the dark line at the top of the louche dissapears.When you're ready, remove the spoon and take a sip.

Ok now my first impression of the drink is a little mixed. The bottle I had(a Jade Edouard 72) had a earthy licorice taste to it and I'm just not huge on licorice tasting drinks. I will say however that I can see why people claim they hallucinate on this stuff. For one it's about 72% alcohol but weirdly enough it's a very deceptivly smooth drink. There were several times where I was growing tired of sipping it and was going to just gulp the rest of it down but then I'd grow a little tipsy and hold off on it. I started to feel tipsy, I shit you not, literally after about three sips of this stuff. What I liked about it however was I got that euphoric drunk feeling without the corddnation loss,numbness,etc. It was a pretty cool buzz to tell you the truth. I think I could drink a glass of this stuff and be good for a night even. No hnagovers this morning either so all and all I got to recommend the stuff unless you feel like binging then you'll just get knocked flat on your ass and probably regret it.

BTW, in case your wondering why I haven't mentioned setting it on fire anywhere in this article it's because it was invented as a marketing gimmick in the 90's when many Absinthe laws in Europe were replealed. But really think about it, do you really want your drink to taste like burnt sugar? Do you want to set yourself on fire? Absinthe burns almost as well as gasoline(again my bottle was 72% ABV). The burning sugar "ritual" is, to borrow the words of absinthe historian Benoit Noel, a "savage syncretism", born in the 1990s in the Czech Republic, born of the same ignorance that led the "absinth" producers there to produce the awful swill that goes under the name. The intention was probably to piggyback on the late 1980’s success of flaming sambuca and the like. In summary, the original Czech producers knew as little about serving absinthe as making absinthe, so they made up their "tradition" as they went along.

There are many Absinthe's out there now too. You can find Blanchettes,a clear absinthe, from Switzerland.There's a supposedly excellant Montmartre with cinammon taste to it. There is some great stuff out there and some awful swill out there too. It's best to stick from one's manufactured in France and Switzerland but Spain and Austraia have some notables too.

Want to order your own? Here's a good place to start.

If your looking to find out more about absinthe this site is a wonderful resource.

The Most Powerful Energy Drink?

2006-03-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Source

My God.

So there's this new energy drink that came out. It’s called VPX Redline Fat Burner. Amazon is lacking on info, so here’s a little more.
Check out this freaky scientific VPX breakthrough:

RED LINE®: is the only matrix ever developed to shred fat through the shivering response in the body. By shivering the body burns huge amounts of stored bodyfat for energy in an effort to keep the body warm. That’s not all! In addition to shivering, you’ll also be sweating up a thermogenic storm. The combined mechanisms of these two processes results in unparalleled fat loss!

What fun. Now, it’s pretty obvious looking at the ingredients that there’s caffeine. But get this: all of the aforementioned goodness, and the serving size is FOUR ml. About one TENTH of an ounce. The whole bottle has 240 ml, or 60 servings. Basically, a bottle of this, less than the size of a normal can of coke, WILL kill you. This is nothing to be playing around with.

So what’s in this magical bottle of awesomeness/liquid crack? Caffeine, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, 5-HTP (5 hydroxy-1-tryptophan), cAMP, Yohimbe, Evodiamine, and Vinpocetine. And a few other things.

I know, I know, so here’s some more info:

cAMP is cyclic adenosine monophosphate. It supposedly “sparks many intercellular processes.” Whatever that means. Increased concentrations supposedly raise thyroid horomone levels, and help fat burning (would help explain why it’s in a fat-burning supplement).

Yohimbe is a bark extract from a tree in Africa. It’s considered a natural aphrodisiac, and sold here to treat imotency, dialate pupils, and stimulate fat loss. It can also mess with your blood pressure, so watch out.

Evodiamine is derived from some Chinese fruit called Evodia Rutaecarpa. Supposedly burns fat.

Vinpocetine is an alkaloid derived from some periwinkle plant. It is used in Europe, Japan, and Mexico to treat crebrovascular and cognitive disorders. Some people claims it elevates metabolism, but with no proof.

And the interesting one in the group:

5-HTP. I made sure to spell it out, so the smart ones in the group have already figured out the key: Tryptophan. It’s the same stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy, and there’s scientific evidence of it. The 5-HTP compound is sometimes used to treat mild depression since, somehow, it can increase serotonin levels. It can also affect appetite, which may be part of why they put it in here. The other part? When you’re jacking up a drink with this much caffeine, you’re going to get jitters and “scatterbrain.” This may actually cut the disconnected thoughts out and allow you to think normally, but still give you the energy effects of caffeine. Awesome.

Apparently you can buy this stuff at places like Super Supplements, GNC, and even some 7-11s. The concentrate isn’t something you should take a guzzle of. Or even a large sip. If you search on the internet, you can see some people who took the recommended dose, and started blacking out towards the end of a workout. Blacking out. 4 mililiters. Damn. There’s also a ready-to-drink version (I would bet that’s the one at 7-11), and half a bottle is all that’s recommended. Pay attention to it. People are comparing the 1/2 bottle to a full hit of ephedra. Unless you’ve done that before and know the effect it has on your body, don’t go doing anything macho with this one. Go do that with redbull.

Update:
Hey, I found how much caffeine is in this 4 ml shot… click on “The Vitamin Shoppe” and it says in the statistics of it that there is 910mg of caffeine per shot, that’s NINE HUNDRED TEN.
This thing is going to be on the national news programs soon methinks.

Yeah, but Mother Teresa was MUCH better at giving a blowjob.

2006-02-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

Source

Paris Hilton has been chosen by a director to play Mother Teresa in an upcoming movie

The director said he was impressed when he read a report sometime ago in which the hotel heiress said she had refused to pose nude in Playboy magazine and decided then to shortlist her.

I want him very badly to find out the truth about her the hard way. All he's got to go on right now is that she didn't want to pose for Playboy(for which I am so thankful), so GOD is it going to be funny when he finds out about all the other stuff.

Well, the silver lining to this is Paris Hilton would wind up spending large amounts of time in India. Playing the part of someone who lived in poverty by choice, living amongst other sick and impoverished. And will likely be looking constantly at real-life impoverished people. Might be a hell of an eye-opener for her.

And if nothing else, she'd be on the other side of the planet for a while, so there's that.

Hmm ... possible taglines for the movie ....

"She came from the slums of Calcutta to the shores of America"
"Mother Theresa: She put the 'lick' in Catholic"
"Poverty. Pestilence. Paris."
"When a people were down on their luck, she got down on her knees."

Maybe she can tattoo "eat" on her other wrist!

2006-01-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

Source

Teen star LINDSAY LOHAN has given herself a permanent reminder of her terrifying New Year (06) asthma attack - she has had the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist.

The RUMORS singer was rushed to hospital in Miami, Florida on 2 January (06) suffering from breathing problems. Doctors discovered she had broken a blood vessel in her neck during her asthma attack and kept her under observation for three days.

She said, "The attack was a big deal, so I wanted to commemorate it on my body as a reminder."

reminds me of a joke:
Blonde girl gets her haircut wearing headphones. During the cut, she falls asleep and the barber decides to move her headphones to finish the haircut. The blonde dies on the spot. The barber freaks out, and can't understand what the hell happened. The barber picks up the headphones to see what the blonde was listening to... "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out"

More to Follow

2006-01-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

Viva La Fee' Verte!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

Bush Admits WMD Were Irrelevant

2005-12-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

Does he just make this shit up as he goes along?! What exactly was Bush's excuse for invading Iraq then? I believe it was what uhh just yesterday! that Bush said that despite the lack of WMDs or a WMD program... Saddam was a threat that had to be dealt with and was planning on resuming his WMD programs.

I kid you not.

We're not just the World Police anymore... we're the World Thought Police.

VIDEO