HOW TO: Survive worst case scenarios!

Packed full of useful information such as "How To Survive A Volcanic Eruption", "How To Navigate A Minefield", "How To Escape From A Car Hanging Over The Edge Of A Cliff" and of course "How To Cross A Piranha-Infested River".
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Anatomically correct "White Trash" dolls teach kids about sex, breastfeeding and puberty.

Damn these are scary.Just look at what they had to say on the website.

All sales are final. We can not resale a doll that has been played with or soiled.
I shudder at the reasoning behind this disclaimer.

These dolls are not made in an industrial factory setting; instead each Amamanta doll is assembled by hand and therefore unique.
So depending on the worker's mood that day, the daddy might get a super huge penis ... or not? Or maybe three nuts?

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Really though outside of possibly counselors or for legal purposes, I think these dolls are just another crutch for parents who are afraid to just sit down and talk to thier kids about sex.





Good Lord! It's like watching Alien!

Waxed Off

I think he was arguably the greatest Japanese American actor ever. Who can deny that his Mr. Miyagi was funny and complex and undeniably a real fleshed-out character(that performance even granted him the honor of being the first Asian-American nominated for an acting Oscar). In fact he was pretty much the only thing saving what would have otherwise been a crappy B-movie starring who knows, Chuck Norris? He broke through a lot of stereotypes and I'm betting because of him, it was a lot easier for Japanese American actors who came to Hollywood after him.


Noriyuki "Pat" Morita
1932 - 2005
R.I.P.
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A nostalgic look back at the 1989 Macy's Thanksgiving Parade- starring ALF, the Joker and Willard Scott.

Here's a link for a detailed review of this parade with screencaps and videoclips. I have to admit I enjoyed the vintage commercials at the end of the article probably the most.
Link

New Myth Busted: Eating Turkey Does Not Make You Sleepy!

There's reportedly good Thanksgiving news for turkey lovers: Contrary to popular belief, tryptophan in turkey doesn't cause drowsiness. You get sleepy after eatting so much because you body lacks the insulin needed to digest the food youve consumed. Its medical not chemical.
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World's ugliest dog passes away, but will remain in our hearts and nightmares forever

Article
Weird update of sorts but the ugliest dog died yesterday just short of his 15th birthday. Man, I just wish I had a dog that would make children burst into tears whenever I took it for a walk. Godspeed, demon-puppy.

Squirrel-Speak Decoded!

We've began to decipher the language of the damn little critters!
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Lock Bumping

I've tried to learn traditional lock picking for awhile, but after seeing this "bumping" demo I was shocked. The technique is really quick and will work on 90% of locks you'll come across.
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Scariest PSA Ad Ever!

These French AIDS Prevention Ads scare me on whole other levels besides the whole STD angle they're aiming for.

Serbian men voluntarily line up to get their testicles shocked.

Original Article

Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.

Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.

He said: "We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.

"This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.

"The method does not kill the sperm permanently and it does not affect the patient's health."

Dr Bojovic added patients were now lining up at his fertility clinic in Novi Banovci for the shock treatment, as it had none of the problems attached to using condoms, the male pill or having a vasectomy.

He added: "We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas."

Damn, I think I'll stick to the condoms for now I guess. I wonder if these guys have ever seen this video?

Find last minute babysitters!

Ok, bad joke. This is a very scary but useful site with an accurate listing of all sex offenders on a google map. It shows the address along with a picture. There's several in the area including one I actually have a class with. Very useful.

Google map of Sex Offenders Near you!

Rick Moranis has a country album. Yes, THAT Rick Moranis.

The Proof
There is no Alan Jackson only Zuul!

On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study

An MIT study was done on the protective nature of aluminum foil helmets. The conclusion is they most likely AMPLIFY any mind control signals and not protect the user as commonly assumed.
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Guess it's wet towels from now on eh?
By the way here's a Straight Dope article on their effectiveness.

Well, at least the kids are really thinking outside the box!

Kids who have taken virginity pledges are more likely to engage in oral and anal sex

A new eight-year study revealed that American teenagers who take virginity pledges wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids. But that's not all. Taking the pledge also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and four times more likely to allow anal. Apparently the only thing immoral about sex is sticking a penis into a vagina. Everything else is just fine.
Which leads me to an important question: why didn't I fill out these pledges when I was in high school?

If I had known I could have been getting some porn-star style sex the same year I took Algebra simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd would have been Sooo down with Jesus (as long as they were going down on me that is). Bring on the celibacy, BJ's & buttsex!

From the Article

MacIntyre, who thrills to find dates through the College Coalition, wears a silver "purity ring," which her father slipped onto her finger during a mountain ceremony. When she gets married, she says, her father will give the ring to her husband. And when she finally has sex, she says, "it's gonna' freaking rock."

Umm, no it's not! It's probably gonna HURT. Like hell. Dumbfuck! Either that or your sexually repressed boyfriend shoots his load in a minute-five tops! It doesn't get good until later (maybe not much later, but still later) for probably 99% of women.

Oh yeah, and a virginity promise mountain ceremony? Way to be creepily overpossesive Dad! Bet he wants to be a silent witness to the cherry poppin' too!

There sure are a lot worse things than teenagers having sex. Namely, teenagers not having sex. Here is something you'll never hear: That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, nonstop, all that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened. I used to not understand the whole suicide bomber thing but now it's making more sense. I mean I thought before who would really want 72 virgins but now that we know they'd be schooled in giving BJ's and anal I have to admit the idea has a little more appeal (OK, not really).

In all seriousness though, my biggest concern about abstinence is the assumption that the first person you have sex with is automatically going to be someone you can be sexually compatible with for life. I think "try before you buy" is really, really important, and it's reasonably safe if you take the precautions.

The other problem is that abstinence puts a big pressure on kids to get married early. That might have seemed okay in generations past, but these days I think more of us believe it's a good idea to spend a few adult years in relative independence before taking the plunge. By choosing your mate after you've had a chance to grow up, I think you run less risk of "growing out of" that particular person.

I think if my generation has learned anything, it's that our parents rushed into marriage, with the result that I have many single-parented friends who were born in wedlock, but whose parents couldn't stand each other by middle age.

The whole idea of a perfect soulmate is simplistic and naive. It's even downright dangerous. It has led many poor hapless souls into unhappy marriages. I have had enough girlfriends to know nobody is a perfect match. ALL relationships take work. It's just some people match better than others, but no match is perfect. There is no such thing as a "soulmate".

As far as the teenagers are concerned. Sexual tension is a bitch, so I figure that as long as they're using condoms and practicing just a little responsibility, they can fuck each others brains out.

"Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. And then I'll blow you, I promise."
- Bill Maher

Looks like we both feel the same way about her reproducing.

Click the pic to take a closer look

Greatest urinal ever!

"Jesus Juice" gives new meaning to " The Power of Christ Compels You"

Story

Ahh, tasteless consumerism at work. Personally though I think it should have been a beer, that way it could come in a can just like Michael.

Paris Hilton Doesn't Change Expressions

The Proof
It's almost hypnotic or nausea inducing...

Facebook has become the new police

Facebook.com, the popular university and high school social network, has become a way for University and high school officials to monitor activity of it's students, thus able to punish students for things such as underage drinking, drug usage, etc. Employers, are also using facebook as a "background check" on applicants.

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Cracker Barrel: Redneck xenophobia never tasted so good

If you are driving across the east, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, your options for where to stop for a meal that's not far from a highway exit is limited...Waffle House, McDonalds, Dennys, Shoneys, and of course Cracker Barrel.


Aww.. Cracker Barrel, with a name like that it just sounds inviting doesn't it?

Cracker Barrel, if you didn't know, is one of those places that caters to the person craving their fix for "down home cooking" that is if your idea of "down home cooking" tastes like a lame dinner from the basement of some unfamiliar church. It’s also part of the redneck "fancy" restaurant triad: Cracker Barrel, Red Lobster, and The Olive Garden. Back home this place was seen by many as date worthy (and not in after affair way either). Hell I got dragged there for thanksgiving once or twice!

And yet people flock to this place like lemmings off a cliff. There has never been a time when I didn't have to wait forty-five minutes in line in that goddamned gift shop looking at peanut butter brittle and motion activated novelty singing flowers ever increasingly driving me to the sheer utter depths of madness.


If the gift shop wasn't enough there's also the fact that you are being seated in a dimly lit dining room with nonmaneuverable seating arrangements and walls adorned with rusting farm tools. You can try to pass the time playing that stupid triangular puzzle until you realize some toddler has already eaten about four of the golf tees.



Even that logo is oddly disturbing. Up until recently I thought the guy was standing with one leg behind the barrel until I realized he had two feet on what looks like one leg! I guess inbred deformities are the chain's way of being authentically Southern? Even so that pose he's striking eerily echoes the racist southerner circa 1950s Montgomery, Alabama.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining after all it is comforting knowing that I can buy a rocking chair at almost any time of any day.

All in all though if your really going to stop at a grease pit I'd go to Waffle House. At least you'll get some decent food and usually damn good service.

No woman is safe from Bill Clinton in the White House.

awwww....... I want him back now.

Nixon was a Pinko Commie by Today's Standards?

*He started the EPA
*He ended the Draft
*He lowered the voting age to 18
*He started the Food Stamps program
*He opened up China


All pretty progressive policies. So just how bad has the political climate gotten that our current leaders make him seem like a liberal?


To be fair though he did say:

We're going to [put] more of these little Negro bastards on the welfare rolls at $2,400 a family -- let people like Pat Moynihan ... believe in all that crap. But I don’t believe in it. Work, work -- throw 'em off the rolls. That's the key. ... I have the greatest affection for them [blacks], but I know they're not going to make it for 500 years. They aren't. You know it, too. The Mexicans are a different cup of tea. They have a heritage. At the present time they steal, they're dishonest, but they do have some concept of family life. They don't live like a bunch of dogs, which the Negroes do live like."
-Nixon May 13, 1971