Observations From Matt

This Blog is looking sorry

2008-03-21T12:38:00.001-07:00

I just haven't had much to say I guess or would just put it on myspace or something. So I'll leave you with this.

2007-10-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I don't smoke pot (just not my drug) but damn if the propaganda against it isn't irritating. Take the commercial above for example where this chick’s dog starts talking to her and telling her that he doesn’t like it when she gets high.

“Hey Lindsey, I wish you didn’t smoke weed.”

“Really? Well I wish you didn’t freak me the fuck out by talking to me with no warning. You know how to talk? How about a heads up first, fucker? How long have you been able to talk? You could talk all this time, and the first words out of your mouth are criticism? How about ‘hey, I’m your dog, and I can talk!’ Wouldn’t that be a better way to start? Right away with the complaints?”

What’s the message here? Don’t smoke weed or your dog will be disappointed in you?
The same dog that I have to yell at every day to keep him from eating shit out of the cat’s litter box? Is that really a deterrent?
I mean, it’s your fucking dog. Even little kids get to yell at the dog. The dog is the bottom of the food chain when it comes to pull around the house. Who give a fuck what he thinks.

Meanwhile, the craziest thing about the video is that after the dog is done talking, the chick just stands there and thinks about what the dog said.
She doesn’t scream, or call her brother over so he can see, or even ask the dog any questions. She just drops her head in shame over her weed smoking.
Whatever that chick is smoking, it ain’t weed, and keep it the fuck away from me.

Poor Rusty and the Cutest neurological disorder ever.

2006-11-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

When I saw this in my psych class a few years back, the first thing that came to mind was "Somebody needs to edit in a gunshot."

You've see the original, now see the music video

Evil Dead: The Ultimate Experience In Grueling Aspect Ratios

2006-10-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a film nut and a horror buff so it's really no surprise that I take the presentaion of even the lowest budgeted movies seriously. That's why I'm royally confused on what the proper presentation of Sam Raimi's the Evil Dead is. Just look at all the diffrences in transfers that have hit the home video market.

Elite DVD (same as LD, and new Japan LD-1995 transfer)

Anchor Bay disc(1999 transfer). It's almost the same transfer as the Elite disc.

Old Japan LD (1985)

Book of the Dead Edition (2002)

Fainting Goats

2006-10-08T15:54:00.001-07:00

An oldie(in terms of internet exposure) but still a goodie.

I've heard people bring up this breed when they try to justify creationism saying these goats prove Darwin is wrong. How could fainting goats survive natural selection?

The answer is easy: we selectivly bred this abnormality just like most livestock.

As strange as this may sound, these little goats have actually served an historical purpose. Shepherds often would keep the goats in with their flocks as insurance in case of predator attacks. The theory went something like this- as wolves would come down from the hills to attack a flock of sheep, the goats would become startled and, as per the name of their breed, they would faint. The sheep would make a clean getaway, as the wolves would focus on the stunned goats rather than pursue the fleeing sheep. Not that wonderful if you were one of the goats, sure, but dandy if you happened to be a sheep.

The breed's recorded history (or at least as much of it as I can find) reaches back to the 1880's, when a migrant worker named John Tinsley brought four of them to Tennessee. Not much is known about Tinsley, though he is reported to have come from Nova Scotia. The breed soon became popular throughout the region, thanks to three major factors: 1) they were less prone to climbing (and therefore escape), 2) they had a higher degree of muscularity than their non-fainting relatives (and thus would make a better dinner), and 3) high reproductive rates (typically two or more to a litter). "

Wikipidia Article

Researchers investigating reports of gay men who willingly contract AIDS just for kicks

2006-10-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/health/060923/x092306.html
Hey, why not? I'm trying to get Herpes.
I've seen if you have it, you get to go hiking, bike ride, meet gorgeous women, go rafting....

and there's already the "pro ana" and "voluntary amputation" communities carrying their respective flags high in the air, so why not this?

It wouldn't surprise me if such people exist and NOT just in the Gay community.

So Why?

I read some time back that some gangs liked to have unprotected sex with multiple partners to prove how fearless they are. Kind of a sex version of Russian Roulette.

After all, we already know about those folks who know they're infected who deliberately have unprotected sex without telling their partners they have the virus. Some do it out of some form of psychotic revenge, some do it because they insist on that natural feel and don't care if they infect someone.

And let's not forget that they get to be a prophet that gets visited by angels

Shrinks are probably working overtime diagnosing and classifying all sorts of new mental illnesses because there's a whole lot of strange people out there.

But hey let's also remember there's all sorts of myths surrounding HIV. Like condoms are perfect, or oral sex has no risk at all, or women can't give it to men, or straight people aren't the fastest growing group of new infections, or that you're 100% guaranteed to get it in one go if you get fucked by someone infected.

Of course besides stuff that I've gotten from articles linked to in this entry most of my evidence is anecdotal and I must remember that the plural of anecdote is not data so take this all with a grain of salt guys.

Rolling Stone Article
BBC Article

It be Talk Like a Pirate Day says I! Yarr Harr!

2006-09-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

Harrs hay trainin film forr thee unninitiated.

Arrrr! ABC JUST had thar season premiere of Wife Swap tonight that focued on a pirate family talk about coincidence. The pirate wench wifey was so fugly and messy that it bend me sword and I needed bleach! Arrrr! Thar goes me only eye. Where me's bird? Polly be my seeing eye parrot.

Also anyone wanting info on this strange holiday(or just wondering what I'm talking about) can visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk_like_a_pirate_day

Now off to thee Bars! Aye Lass ... do ye mind if I fire me cannon through yer porthole ?

Michael Bay is retroactivly killing my childhood

2006-09-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

I loved Transformers as a kid. So it pains me to see the live action movie turning to shit. First thing the script I read this summer at my internship was awful and focused way too much on the military. And then there's THIS

I just look forward to see how the HELL they are going to make the toy...

Just imagine the "level" for skills to transform it!

What's that going to be like? Level: ...5 years in mechanical engineering?

Make sure you take 2 weeks off to do it, and please, do NOT miss that first detail otherwise it WILL comes to life, cry and then commit suicide!

Check out this clip at 2:40. THAT's now the funniest clip

2006-09-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

Needless to say, Conan freaks.

The Best Walker Texas Ranger Clip

2006-09-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

The Chuck Norris facts are really tired but this still makes me laugh.

But why would a Texas Ranger tell a child that he has AIDS? Seems more like a job for, I don't know, a doctor.

Travolta still enjoys a nice "Cockpit"

2006-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

2006-08-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

Bridgestone Dog

Why can't we have ads like this in the U.S.?

2006-08-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

F You Baltimore

My new Favorite ad of all time. I'm guessing this originated as a lark at the editing facility or was a joke at an internal company presentation.

The British have no taste in music

2006-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Recently England voted on the best songs of all time. Here's the top ten.
1 Live Forever – Oasis
2 Wonderwall – Oasis
3 Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
4 A Day In The Life – The Beatles
5 One – U2
6 Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
7 Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
8 Stairway To Heaven – Led Zeppelin
9 Bitter Sweet Symphony – The Verve
10 Paranoid Android – Radiohead

The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, Cream, Sabbath - no, these talented, innovative bands (and so many, many more) can't hold a candle to the whiny hacks of Oasis and their treacly, derivative garbage.

No band on earth can take a lousy song and rewrite it 200 times over like Oasis can!

Way to go, Britain. Real sense of taste you got there.

British Musical Taste: A Brief Timeline

1960's - Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who
1970's - Sex Pistols, The Clash, Led Zeppelin
1980's - The Smiths, Adam and the Ants, Duran Duran
1990's - Oasis, Blur
2000's - Crazy Frog, assorted boy bands, "Pop Idol", and fucking Coldplay

By the 2010's, I expect the biggest chart toppers will be looped recordings of old Speak & Spells.

The cow goes moo! MOO MOO MOO. The cow goes moo! MOO MOO MOO. Dammit, now I can't get that bloody MOO MOO MOO out of my head!

Amazing video of one person acting as the shadow of the other person

2006-08-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Gotta love local car commercials

2006-04-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a Late nite live ad from the 1970s with a car dealer (and his dog) that totally rips the owner a new one.

Just watch it and imagine the confrontation he had with the boss the next morning

Woman wishes that she had done something to save her sister from a burning car, rather than just videotaping the fire

2006-04-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Source
Another weird story from Florida today

MIAMI BEACH, FL -- In an odd twist of fate, a sister caught her sister's last minutes alive - without even knowing.
Maria Ramoutar and her sister were in separate cars on their way back from Miami Beach when Maria saw a fiery car crash. She decided to videotape it with her cell phone.Four people inside that burning car died, including Maria's sister. Maria didn't find out it was her sister till the next day. Now she says she wishes she would have done something to save her.

Because it was perfectly acceptable to not help strangers burning to death in a car crash?

Now, just imagine if she had some sort of device that she could use to notify the fire department.A device that in the the future people will be able to speak with other people and services over a thing they hold in their hand with digits or something to that effect. I'm a dreamer I guess!

Did I mention I gotta new Horseless carriage?

Well, at least they'll have something interesting to play at the funeral since those eulogies are always so boring.

Latest Public Sex Bust from.... you guessed it: Florida!

2006-04-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

Source: The Smoking Gun

Because all weird stories have to come from either Florida or Germany (or sometimes sadly Virginia) I bring to you today's story of the happy couple of Amber Mumma and Marcelo Gonzalez.

The Floridians were arrested on the 11th after a Tampa cop spotted them having sex against a car. According to an arrest affidavit, Mumma, 19, and Gonzalez, 23, were trysting in the parking lot of Peabody's Billiards while several onlookers watched. The pair, both of whom work at a Tampa restaurant, are each facing a misdemeanor count of lewd and lascivious behavior. Additionally, Gonzalez was hit with a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs rap while Mumma was charged with giving officers a phony name. Mumma and Gonzalez are pictured below in mug shots snapped by the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. According to a police report, Officer Stephen Hiles was patrolling the parking lot when he spotted Mumma with her pants at her knees. Gonzalez was standing behind her with his penis exposed and, according to the cop, was allegedly having sex you know where.

You know the girl's not that bad really. I bet she looks a lot better when she has makeup and hasn't been crying all the way to the police station( and before she got railed in the butt). It's kinda sad because you can tell she was crying. Usually these girls have this methed out, straight from the trailer park, look to them but besides what could be herpes (and it's hard to tell since mug shots don't allow make up anyways and it could just be a pimple) she's really alright looking. Besides even if it is herpes there are still even some Hollywood starlets that can't escape that. A little photoshop magic and .......

There much better!

The guy on the other hand looks like the freaky son from Nip/Tuck. I mean....Damn! did he shave his eyebrows on purpose to look like that?

So I finally opened the bottle

2006-03-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I figured I should open the bottle of Absinthe I got for myself back around christmas. I wasn't scared of it or anything but I wanted to save it for a special occasion. I mean this stuff ended up costing me over a $100 so I didn't want to waste it on just any old weekend.
I'd read all the crazy stories of people after they drink this stuff too so I waited until i had a slow week of class.
First thing's first I had to prepare a glass and leave it to the French and their love of rituals to invent a drink that takes 10 minutes to prepare. Don't know how to prepare it? Well here's a breakdown of the procedure to Green Fairy land.

How to Prepare Absinthe

To do it right, you will need a few things in addition to the bottle itself: some ice cold water (warm water makes it taste like donkey piss), sugar cubes, an absinthe glass(a wine glass will work too but makes it harder to measure ratios), and an absinthe spoon.

1. Fill your glass with absinthe up to the marked fill line.
2. Lay the spoon flat across the mouth of the glass.
3. Position a sugar cube over the slots in the spoon(you can use a fork too but the spoon's classier).
4. Slowly trickle water over the sugar cube(I'm talking drop by drop) and into the glass.I found that using a slightly frozen water bottle makes it really easy for slow drips if your not super fancy and don't have an absinthe dripper full of shaved ice on hand. With the introduction of water, the mixture will turn milky (or louche as they say) as the various oils and aromatics precipitate out of the solution. (See? Chemistry was useful for something)
5. After your sugar cube has finished doing its impression of an eroding urinal cake, continue adding water until you reach your preferred strength. The most popular ratio of absinthe to water is somewhere around 1:4. I personally think you get the perfect pour just when the dark line at the top of the louche dissapears.When you're ready, remove the spoon and take a sip.

Ok now my first impression of the drink is a little mixed. The bottle I had(a Jade Edouard 72) had a earthy licorice taste to it and I'm just not huge on licorice tasting drinks. I will say however that I can see why people claim they hallucinate on this stuff. For one it's about 72% alcohol but weirdly enough it's a very deceptivly smooth drink. There were several times where I was growing tired of sipping it and was going to just gulp the rest of it down but then I'd grow a little tipsy and hold off on it. I started to feel tipsy, I shit you not, literally after about three sips of this stuff. What I liked about it however was I got that euphoric drunk feeling without the corddnation loss,numbness,etc. It was a pretty cool buzz to tell you the truth. I think I could drink a glass of this stuff and be good for a night even. No hnagovers this morning either so all and all I got to recommend the stuff unless you feel like binging then you'll just get knocked flat on your ass and probably regret it.

BTW, in case your wondering why I haven't mentioned setting it on fire anywhere in this article it's because it was invented as a marketing gimmick in the 90's when many Absinthe laws in Europe were replealed. But really think about it, do you really want your drink to taste like burnt sugar? Do you want to set yourself on fire? Absinthe burns almost as well as gasoline(again my bottle was 72% ABV). The burning sugar "ritual" is, to borrow the words of absinthe historian Benoit Noel, a "savage syncretism", born in the 1990s in the Czech Republic, born of the same ignorance that led the "absinth" producers there to produce the awful swill that goes under the name. The intention was probably to piggyback on the late 1980’s success of flaming sambuca and the like. In summary, the original Czech producers knew as little about serving absinthe as making absinthe, so they made up their "tradition" as they went along.

There are many Absinthe's out there now too. You can find Blanchettes,a clear absinthe, from Switzerland.There's a supposedly excellant Montmartre with cinammon taste to it. There is some great stuff out there and some awful swill out there too. It's best to stick from one's manufactured in France and Switzerland but Spain and Austraia have some notables too.

Want to order your own? Here's a good place to start.

If your looking to find out more about absinthe this site is a wonderful resource.

The Most Powerful Energy Drink?

2006-03-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Source

My God.

So there's this new energy drink that came out. It’s called VPX Redline Fat Burner. Amazon is lacking on info, so here’s a little more.
Check out this freaky scientific VPX breakthrough:

RED LINE®: is the only matrix ever developed to shred fat through the shivering response in the body. By shivering the body burns huge amounts of stored bodyfat for energy in an effort to keep the body warm. That’s not all! In addition to shivering, you’ll also be sweating up a thermogenic storm. The combined mechanisms of these two processes results in unparalleled fat loss!

What fun. Now, it’s pretty obvious looking at the ingredients that there’s caffeine. But get this: all of the aforementioned goodness, and the serving size is FOUR ml. About one TENTH of an ounce. The whole bottle has 240 ml, or 60 servings. Basically, a bottle of this, less than the size of a normal can of coke, WILL kill you. This is nothing to be playing around with.

So what’s in this magical bottle of awesomeness/liquid crack? Caffeine, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, 5-HTP (5 hydroxy-1-tryptophan), cAMP, Yohimbe, Evodiamine, and Vinpocetine. And a few other things.

I know, I know, so here’s some more info:

cAMP is cyclic adenosine monophosphate. It supposedly “sparks many intercellular processes.” Whatever that means. Increased concentrations supposedly raise thyroid horomone levels, and help fat burning (would help explain why it’s in a fat-burning supplement).

Yohimbe is a bark extract from a tree in Africa. It’s considered a natural aphrodisiac, and sold here to treat imotency, dialate pupils, and stimulate fat loss. It can also mess with your blood pressure, so watch out.

Evodiamine is derived from some Chinese fruit called Evodia Rutaecarpa. Supposedly burns fat.

Vinpocetine is an alkaloid derived from some periwinkle plant. It is used in Europe, Japan, and Mexico to treat crebrovascular and cognitive disorders. Some people claims it elevates metabolism, but with no proof.

And the interesting one in the group:

5-HTP. I made sure to spell it out, so the smart ones in the group have already figured out the key: Tryptophan. It’s the same stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy, and there’s scientific evidence of it. The 5-HTP compound is sometimes used to treat mild depression since, somehow, it can increase serotonin levels. It can also affect appetite, which may be part of why they put it in here. The other part? When you’re jacking up a drink with this much caffeine, you’re going to get jitters and “scatterbrain.” This may actually cut the disconnected thoughts out and allow you to think normally, but still give you the energy effects of caffeine. Awesome.

Apparently you can buy this stuff at places like Super Supplements, GNC, and even some 7-11s. The concentrate isn’t something you should take a guzzle of. Or even a large sip. If you search on the internet, you can see some people who took the recommended dose, and started blacking out towards the end of a workout. Blacking out. 4 mililiters. Damn. There’s also a ready-to-drink version (I would bet that’s the one at 7-11), and half a bottle is all that’s recommended. Pay attention to it. People are comparing the 1/2 bottle to a full hit of ephedra. Unless you’ve done that before and know the effect it has on your body, don’t go doing anything macho with this one. Go do that with redbull.

Update:
Hey, I found how much caffeine is in this 4 ml shot… click on “The Vitamin Shoppe” and it says in the statistics of it that there is 910mg of caffeine per shot, that’s NINE HUNDRED TEN.
This thing is going to be on the national news programs soon methinks.

Yeah, but Mother Teresa was MUCH better at giving a blowjob.

2006-02-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

Source

Paris Hilton has been chosen by a director to play Mother Teresa in an upcoming movie

The director said he was impressed when he read a report sometime ago in which the hotel heiress said she had refused to pose nude in Playboy magazine and decided then to shortlist her.

I want him very badly to find out the truth about her the hard way. All he's got to go on right now is that she didn't want to pose for Playboy(for which I am so thankful), so GOD is it going to be funny when he finds out about all the other stuff.

Well, the silver lining to this is Paris Hilton would wind up spending large amounts of time in India. Playing the part of someone who lived in poverty by choice, living amongst other sick and impoverished. And will likely be looking constantly at real-life impoverished people. Might be a hell of an eye-opener for her.

And if nothing else, she'd be on the other side of the planet for a while, so there's that.

Hmm ... possible taglines for the movie ....

"She came from the slums of Calcutta to the shores of America"
"Mother Theresa: She put the 'lick' in Catholic"
"Poverty. Pestilence. Paris."
"When a people were down on their luck, she got down on her knees."

Maybe she can tattoo "eat" on her other wrist!

2006-01-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

Source

Teen star LINDSAY LOHAN has given herself a permanent reminder of her terrifying New Year (06) asthma attack - she has had the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist.

The RUMORS singer was rushed to hospital in Miami, Florida on 2 January (06) suffering from breathing problems. Doctors discovered she had broken a blood vessel in her neck during her asthma attack and kept her under observation for three days.

She said, "The attack was a big deal, so I wanted to commemorate it on my body as a reminder."

reminds me of a joke:
Blonde girl gets her haircut wearing headphones. During the cut, she falls asleep and the barber decides to move her headphones to finish the haircut. The blonde dies on the spot. The barber freaks out, and can't understand what the hell happened. The barber picks up the headphones to see what the blonde was listening to... "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out"

More to Follow

2006-01-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

Viva La Fee' Verte!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

Bush Admits WMD Were Irrelevant

2005-12-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

Does he just make this shit up as he goes along?! What exactly was Bush's excuse for invading Iraq then? I believe it was what uhh just yesterday! that Bush said that despite the lack of WMDs or a WMD program... Saddam was a threat that had to be dealt with and was planning on resuming his WMD programs.

I kid you not.

We're not just the World Police anymore... we're the World Thought Police.

VIDEO

Video of the Week

2005-12-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

+

VIDEO

Just how much caffeine is in energy drinks?

2005-12-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

Here's a chart of the caffeine content in energy drinks, coffee, tea, energy pills, medications, etc. from the always useful erowid.org.
read more

Head-over-heels in love? You'll get over it.

2005-12-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

Giddy and in love (with another person)? Enjoy it while it lasts, scientists say that "that lovin feeling" is due to higher levels of a particular hormone, and that the amount of hormone steadily dwindles as time goes on as long as you stay with the same person. read more

Ever heard of blinds?

2005-12-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

I ask that if you consider how prevalent digital cameras, digital camcorders, and camera cellphones are, is it really any surprise that fucking in front of an open window will lead to one's naked ass being plastered all over the internet?
read more

HOW TO: Survive worst case scenarios!

2005-11-30T19:07:00.000-08:00

Packed full of useful information such as "How To Survive A Volcanic Eruption", "How To Navigate A Minefield", "How To Escape From A Car Hanging Over The Edge Of A Cliff" and of course "How To Cross A Piranha-Infested River".
read more

Anatomically correct "White Trash" dolls teach kids about sex, breastfeeding and puberty.

2005-11-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

Damn these are scary.Just look at what they had to say on the website.

All sales are final. We can not resale a doll that has been played with or soiled.
I shudder at the reasoning behind this disclaimer.

These dolls are not made in an industrial factory setting; instead each Amamanta doll is assembled by hand and therefore unique.
So depending on the worker's mood that day, the daddy might get a super huge penis ... or not? Or maybe three nuts?

Read More

Really though outside of possibly counselors or for legal purposes, I think these dolls are just another crutch for parents who are afraid to just sit down and talk to thier kids about sex.

Good Lord! It's like watching Alien!

Waxed Off

2005-11-25T11:01:00.000-08:00

I think he was arguably the greatest Japanese American actor ever. Who can deny that his Mr. Miyagi was funny and complex and undeniably a real fleshed-out character(that performance even granted him the honor of being the first Asian-American nominated for an acting Oscar). In fact he was pretty much the only thing saving what would have otherwise been a crappy B-movie starring who knows, Chuck Norris? He broke through a lot of stereotypes and I'm betting because of him, it was a lot easier for Japanese American actors who came to Hollywood after him.

Noriyuki "Pat" Morita
1932 - 2005
R.I.P.
Read More

A nostalgic look back at the 1989 Macy's Thanksgiving Parade- starring ALF, the Joker and Willard Scott.

2005-11-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Here's a link for a detailed review of this parade with screencaps and videoclips. I have to admit I enjoyed the vintage commercials at the end of the article probably the most.
Link

New Myth Busted: Eating Turkey Does Not Make You Sleepy!

2005-11-24T12:26:00.000-08:00

There's reportedly good Thanksgiving news for turkey lovers: Contrary to popular belief, tryptophan in turkey doesn't cause drowsiness. You get sleepy after eatting so much because you body lacks the insulin needed to digest the food youve consumed. Its medical not chemical.
read more

World's ugliest dog passes away, but will remain in our hearts and nightmares forever

2005-11-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

Article
Weird update of sorts but the ugliest dog died yesterday just short of his 15th birthday. Man, I just wish I had a dog that would make children burst into tears whenever I took it for a walk. Godspeed, demon-puppy.

Squirrel-Speak Decoded!

2005-11-16T17:02:00.000-08:00

We've began to decipher the language of the damn little critters!
read more

Lock Bumping

2005-11-15T22:17:00.000-08:00

I've tried to learn traditional lock picking for awhile, but after seeing this "bumping" demo I was shocked. The technique is really quick and will work on 90% of locks you'll come across.
read more

Scariest PSA Ad Ever!

2005-11-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

These French AIDS Prevention Ads scare me on whole other levels besides the whole STD angle they're aiming for.

Serbian men voluntarily line up to get their testicles shocked.

2005-11-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

Original Article

Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.

Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.

He said: "We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.

"This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.

"The method does not kill the sperm permanently and it does not affect the patient's health."

Dr Bojovic added patients were now lining up at his fertility clinic in Novi Banovci for the shock treatment, as it had none of the problems attached to using condoms, the male pill or having a vasectomy.

He added: "We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas."

Damn, I think I'll stick to the condoms for now I guess. I wonder if these guys have ever seen this video?

Find last minute babysitters!

2005-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, bad joke. This is a very scary but useful site with an accurate listing of all sex offenders on a google map. It shows the address along with a picture. There's several in the area including one I actually have a class with. Very useful.

Google map of Sex Offenders Near you!

Rick Moranis has a country album. Yes, THAT Rick Moranis.

2005-11-10T21:31:00.000-08:00

The Proof
There is no Alan Jackson only Zuul!

On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study

2005-11-10T13:53:00.000-08:00

An MIT study was done on the protective nature of aluminum foil helmets. The conclusion is they most likely AMPLIFY any mind control signals and not protect the user as commonly assumed.
read more

Guess it's wet towels from now on eh?
By the way here's a Straight Dope article on their effectiveness.

Well, at least the kids are really thinking outside the box!

2005-11-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

Kids who have taken virginity pledges are more likely to engage in oral and anal sex

A new eight-year study revealed that American teenagers who take virginity pledges wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids. But that's not all. Taking the pledge also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and four times more likely to allow anal. Apparently the only thing immoral about sex is sticking a penis into a vagina. Everything else is just fine.
Which leads me to an important question: why didn't I fill out these pledges when I was in high school?

If I had known I could have been getting some porn-star style sex the same year I took Algebra simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd would have been Sooo down with Jesus (as long as they were going down on me that is). Bring on the celibacy, BJ's & buttsex!

From the Article

MacIntyre, who thrills to find dates through the College Coalition, wears a silver "purity ring," which her father slipped onto her finger during a mountain ceremony. When she gets married, she says, her father will give the ring to her husband. And when she finally has sex, she says, "it's gonna' freaking rock."

Umm, no it's not! It's probably gonna HURT. Like hell. Dumbfuck! Either that or your sexually repressed boyfriend shoots his load in a minute-five tops! It doesn't get good until later (maybe not much later, but still later) for probably 99% of women.

Oh yeah, and a virginity promise mountain ceremony? Way to be creepily overpossesive Dad! Bet he wants to be a silent witness to the cherry poppin' too!

There sure are a lot worse things than teenagers having sex. Namely, teenagers not having sex. Here is something you'll never hear: That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, nonstop, all that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened. I used to not understand the whole suicide bomber thing but now it's making more sense. I mean I thought before who would really want 72 virgins but now that we know they'd be schooled in giving BJ's and anal I have to admit the idea has a little more appeal (OK, not really).

In all seriousness though, my biggest concern about abstinence is the assumption that the first person you have sex with is automatically going to be someone you can be sexually compatible with for life. I think "try before you buy" is really, really important, and it's reasonably safe if you take the precautions.

The other problem is that abstinence puts a big pressure on kids to get married early. That might have seemed okay in generations past, but these days I think more of us believe it's a good idea to spend a few adult years in relative independence before taking the plunge. By choosing your mate after you've had a chance to grow up, I think you run less risk of "growing out of" that particular person.

I think if my generation has learned anything, it's that our parents rushed into marriage, with the result that I have many single-parented friends who were born in wedlock, but whose parents couldn't stand each other by middle age.

The whole idea of a perfect soulmate is simplistic and naive. It's even downright dangerous. It has led many poor hapless souls into unhappy marriages. I have had enough girlfriends to know nobody is a perfect match. ALL relationships take work. It's just some people match better than others, but no match is perfect. There is no such thing as a "soulmate".

As far as the teenagers are concerned. Sexual tension is a bitch, so I figure that as long as they're using condoms and practicing just a little responsibility, they can fuck each others brains out.

"Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. And then I'll blow you, I promise."
- Bill Maher

Looks like we both feel the same way about her reproducing.

2005-11-08T00:42:00.000-08:00

Click the pic to take a closer look

Greatest urinal ever!

2005-11-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

"Jesus Juice" gives new meaning to " The Power of Christ Compels You"

2005-11-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

Story

Ahh, tasteless consumerism at work. Personally though I think it should have been a beer, that way it could come in a can just like Michael.

Paris Hilton Doesn't Change Expressions

2005-11-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

The Proof
It's almost hypnotic or nausea inducing...

Facebook has become the new police

2005-11-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

Facebook.com, the popular university and high school social network, has become a way for University and high school officials to monitor activity of it's students, thus able to punish students for things such as underage drinking, drug usage, etc. Employers, are also using facebook as a "background check" on applicants.

read more

Cracker Barrel: Redneck xenophobia never tasted so good

2005-11-03T00:12:00.000-08:00

If you are driving across the east, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, your options for where to stop for a meal that's not far from a highway exit is limited...Waffle House, McDonalds, Dennys, Shoneys, and of course Cracker Barrel.

Aww.. Cracker Barrel, with a name like that it just sounds inviting doesn't it?

Cracker Barrel, if you didn't know, is one of those places that caters to the person craving their fix for "down home cooking" that is if your idea of "down home cooking" tastes like a lame dinner from the basement of some unfamiliar church. It’s also part of the redneck "fancy" restaurant triad: Cracker Barrel, Red Lobster, and The Olive Garden. Back home this place was seen by many as date worthy (and not in after affair way either). Hell I got dragged there for thanksgiving once or twice!

And yet people flock to this place like lemmings off a cliff. There has never been a time when I didn't have to wait forty-five minutes in line in that goddamned gift shop looking at peanut butter brittle and motion activated novelty singing flowers ever increasingly driving me to the sheer utter depths of madness.

If the gift shop wasn't enough there's also the fact that you are being seated in a dimly lit dining room with nonmaneuverable seating arrangements and walls adorned with rusting farm tools. You can try to pass the time playing that stupid triangular puzzle until you realize some toddler has already eaten about four of the golf tees.

Even that logo is oddly disturbing. Up until recently I thought the guy was standing with one leg behind the barrel until I realized he had two feet on what looks like one leg! I guess inbred deformities are the chain's way of being authentically Southern? Even so that pose he's striking eerily echoes the racist southerner circa 1950s Montgomery, Alabama.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining after all it is comforting knowing that I can buy a rocking chair at almost any time of any day.

All in all though if your really going to stop at a grease pit I'd go to Waffle House. At least you'll get some decent food and usually damn good service.

No woman is safe from Bill Clinton in the White House.

2005-11-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

awwww....... I want him back now.

Nixon was a Pinko Commie by Today's Standards?

2005-11-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

*He started the EPA
*He ended the Draft
*He lowered the voting age to 18
*He started the Food Stamps program
*He opened up China

All pretty progressive policies. So just how bad has the political climate gotten that our current leaders make him seem like a liberal?

To be fair though he did say:

We're going to [put] more of these little Negro bastards on the welfare rolls at $2,400 a family -- let people like Pat Moynihan ... believe in all that crap. But I don’t believe in it. Work, work -- throw 'em off the rolls. That's the key. ... I have the greatest affection for them [blacks], but I know they're not going to make it for 500 years. They aren't. You know it, too. The Mexicans are a different cup of tea. They have a heritage. At the present time they steal, they're dishonest, but they do have some concept of family life. They don't live like a bunch of dogs, which the Negroes do live like."
-Nixon May 13, 1971

More Filler

2005-10-31T21:38:00.000-08:00

The good stories from the weekend are coming but I want to do them justice and the workload is bad tonight so it's more links today.

Funny Halloween Video
Unintentionally Hilarious Fundamentalist Christian Comic Strip
The sexual meanings of classic Halloween costumes.
Doofus in Thundercat costume arrested
Programmer or Serial Killer Quiz
Creepy Video of Ghosts
Virtual Pumpkin Carving
Haunted Places in Illinois
Happy Halloween!

Something to hold you over

2005-10-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

Been busy. Going to update this soon with stories from the weekend. But I did say I'd update with this some scary stuff so here you go.

Oh and then there's this.
Of all the scents I've mentally associated with Paris Hilton, shit and urinal disinfectant is an improvement.

Mineral spirits

2005-10-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Source
In honor of Halloween fast approaching I'm going to start posting some of the more macabre stuff I've found over the years.

Gilliam Sykes O'Dell had a terrible time with his house which was one time reported to be the most haunted house in American history. His parents died a horrible death in their home when a local teenaged boy murdered them. It turned out he'd once had a crush on O'Dell's mother, a former high school teacher. After killing Gilliam's parents, the teenager killed himself. This happened just after Gilliam graduated from Purdue University in northern Indiana. Shocked and distressed, the young man became a shut-in at his home. "It was like everything changed. The air in the house was different then I started to hear the voices..." A frightened Gilliam told a local newspaper reporter years later.

Gilliam tried to ignore the problem and as a chemistry student set up a laboratory in his basement. His parents death left him not only with pain but a fortune as well. Gilliam never needed to work a day in his life. This left him lots of time to get acquainted with the ghosts who kept him company. Occasionally, he heard his mothers gentle humming from her rocking chair. At other times, he felt the comforting hand of his father on his shoulder. Then there were times that Gilliam felt chilled to the bone. He feared for his life most of the time. Often he would wake up in the middle of the night and find a kitchen knife balancing above his head on the headboard. He also found himself unable to breathe as though someone were choking him. Surely, this was the work of the teenager.

Gilliam had had enough. He contacted a scientist back at his university who he knew was interested in the paranormal. The man instructed him to study the ghosts and suggested that he come up with a concoction to keep the ghosts at bay. Believing that there was an element that could push lost souls towards the other side, he insisted that Gilliam look towards chemistry to find the answer. After burning his eyelashes off and working for weeks in solitude, Gilliam came up from his basement with a special concoction he dubbed: Ghost Tonic. He felt he'd found his miracle potion and recalls when he splashed it on the walls, the paint would fade and run, often in the shape of the phantoms he'd seen. Maybe just because of his delirium, or maybe from the fumes, it seemed to make sense to him. He insisted to those around him that the smell of the tonic when it made contact with a surface was the smell of "Dead Ghost."

Gilliam ended up selling his concoction to another wealthy classmate who made his fortune selling paint and giving away a bottle of the "Ghost Tonic" or Paint Thinner as it came to be called, with every purchase.

Know your Bush Appointees

2005-10-28T02:42:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination citing the efforts of "members of the Senate" to seek documents generated while she served as Bush's White House counsel as her reason. She's not the first appointee by Bush to be called into question and certainly won't be the last. Here's my favorite.

Meet Dr. W. David Hager. He is the #2 man at the FDA, a gynecologist, and oversees women's rights, health issues, and also the guy that wants to make sure we don't have RU-486 otherwise known as the "morning-after pill". This is a guy who wrote a book with his wife that said if women have premenstrual problems what they should do is read scripture. I'm not kidding. Turns out his wife left him after 30 years claiming that he anally raped her in her sleep (I'm assuming she woke up somewhere during the said event). The guy didn’t even deny it and said the reason he was doing it in her "cocoa-canal" was that he "missed". So you have the case of a gynecologist that claims he cannot find his own wife's vagina. I rest my case about George Bush's appointments.

Study finds that the more educated and/or heavy a woman is, the harder it is to bring her to orgasm

2005-10-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

Original Article

But why?

It probably boils down to the simple fact that different people have different sexual needs. One of the biggest mistake people make is believing everybody can be pleased the same way in bed. Probably a lot of guys have some lame teenage experience where it's all they can do to get it in the frickin' hole, and surprise! the girl digs that (or pretends to), so they figure they're now the greatest lover ever - and spend the rest of their lives jackhammering away at whatever warm, moist, concave opening that presents itself and possibly being just one of many possible causes for the problem.

Beyond that, I would imagine educated women in particular often need something a little more to really get off. As nice as the physicality can be, the mental side of sex seems just as important. You have to set the right mood, find the right psychological buttons to press, get her as worked up mentally as you are physically, etc. You just have to know what levers to hit with the girl you're with and take the time to figure it out..

All it takes to change those sessions of chafing frustration and anxiety into a satisfying experience is a "That feels good but you need to move that over a bit" or a "Let's do this for awhile, I'm not quite ready for that."

Other useful commands include "Slow down" "Speed up" "Not so hard, I'm sensitive today" and "Harder/More."

I just don't see how that has anything to do with having a PhD or having dropped out of middle school unless that just corellates with sexual experience.

I can see one biological reason why overweight women may have a loss of sex drive. Men and women both have testosterone in their bodies. Men, of course, have much higher levels. Testosterone affects sex drive. In overweight women, the heavier they are, the more estrogen their body produces. Weight also causes stress on the adrenal and metabolic system which in turn can cause problems with testosterone and progesterone levels. So basically, the hormone levels get too high and/or too low so it affects sex drive (among other things). So if you are overweight and your sex drive sucks. Maybe this plays a factor in it.

Same would be the same for men. Men also have estrogen in their bodies (at much lower levels than women). If you are a man and overweight, elevated estrogen levels can kill your sex drive as well.

Of course getting away from the biological issue maybe what the study really found was that more intelligent/educated women will be candid about sexual issues than less educated ones... most obvious reason for the findings, no?

I also think that a lot of well educated women, and men for that matter, have bought in to the idea of study hard, work hard, eyes on the prize, be good, and you'll succeed. Part of buying in to that is: sex is dangerous and it could hurt your future. You could get pregnant or a disease and that might hurt your career. Not only could a disease hurt your career, there's the possibility of contracting HIV and dying. What good is a wild night in the sack if you end up dying as a result? Same goes with getting pregnant. Would one night of careless animal passion be worth 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of parenting or a traumatic abortion?

Between that baggage and a 50 hour work week at a white collar job it's hard to take it easy and get your groove on.

I know many intelligent/educated women who worry about anything and everything, so I don't really believe that it is directly linked to low sex drive, but I do believe it is linked to being distracted and if you're distracted it will certainly take a lot longer to achieve the end result..

These women who can't get orgasms might decide to spend their time doing something else, which might include more studying (since a lot of women come of sexual age during school years), so the less-orgasmic women spend their time learning more and becoming more intelligent. The more-orgasmic women spend their time partying and getting laid. So women with low sex drives do better in school since they don't have any distractions?

The study also says that women who are on oral contraceptives tend to have lower sex drives. I'm guessing the women with higher educations are also more likely to use oral contraceptives. Heck you could also probably blame it on these women being probably more likely to take anti-depressants which would also curb their sexual appetite.

Of course maybe this study is total shit!

The survey question that seems to cover the sexual desire issue is this one:

"My sexual desire is often much lower than I would like it to be."

And given that educated women had a higher-than-average rate of answering "yes", the conclusion drawn was:

Women who are educated, married or heavy are more likely to have low sex drives.

And so I take issue with the conclusion. The survey did not actual quantify anyone's sex drive. It merely asked for women's assessment of their sex drives. And so there are actually two ways to take the results concerning educated women -- either they actually have lower sex drives than the average woman, or they desire a higher sex drive than the average woman.

All we can say for sure is that educated women are less satisfied with their sex drives, because that's all the survey asked.

It's like doing a survey and asking women if they are happy with how they look, and if educated women are less happy, concluding that educated women are uglier than uneducated women. Whereas actual appearances weren't tested -- just personal opinions.

Now, perhaps the researchers DO view the results this way. One researcher says: "It may well be that highly educated women are different from less-educated women in many respects. Maybe they have higher standards . . . higher expectations
and legitimately lower evaluations." And so perhaps it's just the article that botches the conclusion.

Of course, maybe I've put too much energy into this examination of these women's anorgasmic inclinations (it's turned into a damn essay!). I mean I still wonder from time to time if most women (hell people) know where the G-spot is afterall.

Oh yeah! I welcome comments of any kind since I can obviosly only see this from one side of the debate.

"Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency." -Margo St. James

"When a woman has scholarly inclinations, there is usually something wrongwith her sexually." –Nietzsche

Elderly man gets busted at the toll booth in Florida. The dead body in the windshield aroused suspicion.

2005-10-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

Original Article

Meet Ralph Parker, the 93-year-old who struck a pedestrian, severing the victim's leg, then proceeded to drive three miles with the guy's body on the windshield before being stopped at a tollbooth.

"Parker told officers he thought a body fell from the sky. Police say he will probably not face criminal charges, because he was unaware he was in an accident."

What the Fuck?

Yet another reason to have mandatory testing every 5 years or so. Make that across the board so you aren't accused of age discrimination. I'd be absolutely furious if the victim was somebody in my family. As is, I'm just pissed that this guy is still on the road.

Note to self: Next time in accident say "I was in an accident?" and not face criminal charges.

Maybe this could work for other problems too!

Honest honey, I don't know where this hooker came from. She just fell out of the sky!

Honest officer, I don't know where this bag of pot came from. It just fell out of the sky!

Just practicing.

Brian Peppers

2005-10-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is Brian peppers. Scary enough until you also realize it's a mugshot photo and he's also a registered sex offender in Ohio convicted of two counts of Gross Sexual Imposition.
Don't believe me?
Here's a Snopes article on him.

Not even a picture of Melissa Theuriau smoking it up at a Hookah bar is going to erase this from my mind

(but it helps).

♫ I'm a pepper, you're a pepper, she's a pepper, he's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?♫

Mon dieu!

2005-10-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

This is French news anchor Melissa Theuriau.

I know just look at her and that amazing face.

J'ai une incendie en mes pantalons!
Can you imagine if you actually met her and for some reason had to have a interview with her?
I'd just freeze up and go gaga looking at her, and wouldn't hear a word she was saying. Like this guy apparantly (took me awhile to see him).

I don't watch much TV anymore but if she read my news I'd watch everynight and you'd be sure I'd be up on the latest conflict in the Balkans.
Ok, maybe I'd never know what was going on but I'd be watching.
She probably just gives great head..Lines, I said headlines.

J'adore Melissa Theuriau.

Must pass... through... urethra!

2005-10-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Shatner got a kidney stone. Yeah not really news but damn I had to make a Shatner joke and the "KHAN!" picture popped into my head immedietly upon hearing the news.Hell by coincidence the news is from KXAN.
It's a coooooooooooncretion!

I'm Matt and this is my blog

2005-10-23T17:27:00.001-07:00

Awesome. I will be writing about all my debauchery as well as my personal commentary on world events in this blog.So where should I begin.

A little about me:
I am an attention whore.
I'm not afraid to mooch off of everyone and anyone.
I have tiny wrists and yet huge hands.
I like to impress people with my insight/knowledge and when in doubt I bullshit.

more to follow...